Abortion was the beginning of a downward spiral

By anonymous on 28/02/2006
I became involved with an older man when I was 17 who gave me the love and attention that I was craving. At 19, I found myself in a pregnancy crisis. I was stunned, numbed to the core but I still followed the directions given by my doctor and mother to have an abortion. Not knowing that I had a choice to keep the baby, I took the decision to have an abortion. I had followed what my head was saying and not my heart.

I needed to hide from the decision I had made, so that I could cope with the pain, so I started to build a protective wall around my heart. This was to be the beginning of a downward spiral in my life. I don’t want to sound dramatic but I died that day, spiritually. I couldn’t cope with the disappointment, the pain and agony of the abortion.

I left home and I married the man as a penance for what I had done. Much of the time I was in a deep depression, lonely and suicidal, full of guilt and shame. I was desperate to have another child which consumed my life for many years. I became uncomfortable around children and was extremely jealous when friends told me they were pregnant. I shied away whenever people spoke about abortion. I isolated myself from friends and family and struggled to enjoy close relationships.

I carried the burden for years and told no-one. I found sexual intercourse painful and detested sexual intimacy. All this had an impact on my marriage which became abusive and it broke down. I carried this pain around for so many years that the stress affected my health - it destroyed me mentally and physically.

Other stories...

Story categories

Tell your story

The information submitted in the stories section is generated solely by the public.

Would you like to tell other people about your experiences?