Abortion was the beginning of a downward spiral
I needed to hide from the decision I had made, so that I could cope with the pain, so I started to build a protective wall around my heart. This was to be the beginning of a downward spiral in my life. I don’t want to sound dramatic but I died that day, spiritually. I couldn’t cope with the disappointment, the pain and agony of the abortion.
I left home and I married the man as a penance for what I had done. Much of the time I was in a deep depression, lonely and suicidal, full of guilt and shame. I was desperate to have another child which consumed my life for many years. I became uncomfortable around children and was extremely jealous when friends told me they were pregnant. I shied away whenever people spoke about abortion. I isolated myself from friends and family and struggled to enjoy close relationships.
I carried the burden for years and told no-one. I found sexual intercourse painful and detested sexual intimacy. All this had an impact on my marriage which became abusive and it broke down. I carried this pain around for so many years that the stress affected my health - it destroyed me mentally and physically.