I told myself I would never have an abortion...
I’m a 19 year old college student living in England. I found out I was pregnant at 7 weeks after 2 weeks of unexplained illness (morning sickness etc). A part of me had suspected I was. I suppose as a woman you know your body and I'd confided in my best friend long before the tests were confirmed.
My mother works in an abortion clinic. Having been there to pick her up after work, I’d seen the women that went in and out of there and it broke my heart to see the look on some of their faces so I’d told myself I would never have an abortion. I was convinced I would it keep it if I was ever in that situation but you never know what you would do until you are faced with that decision.
At about 9 weeks, after losing nearly 10lbs from being horribly sick and not being able to eat, sleep or so much as climb the stairs to get to the bathroom, I decided my body couldn’t take any more. I was becoming more and more depressed and felt as if my entire life were caving in on me. I suppose if I’d been married and the child was planned, I would have obviously struggled through it but I was a year away from completing college and prior to the pregnancy was planning my move to another city and starting a new life. Being in debt I knew I couldn’t afford a child and I wasn’t ready for the responsibility.
My doctor was supportive. After I told her I’d changed my mind and opted for an abortion she said that it was the best decision for me because she knew how hard I’d worked at college. She made all my appointments and the following week I had my first scan. I saw the baby and in the back of my mind I said goodbye and told him/her how sad I was that I would never get to meet them.
At 11 weeks I went in for my abortion. I remember walking in that morning and lying on the bed in ward 78, bay 5 with a dear friend. All the doctors and nurses came in over a two hour period to check if I was comfortable, to discuss the procedure and answer any questions I had. I was wheeled into the O.R with a lovely nurse who held my hand as they put the IV in and told me it would all be ok. A few minutes later I was drifting off to sleep and soon woke up in the recovery room. I was shaking from the anaesthesia and in a little pain but the nurses administered drugs through my IV and I was fine. I was taken back to the ward after about 30 minutes and lay in bed, alone for the first time.
Physically I wasn’t in any pain and more importantly, I wasn’t an emotional wreck! I’d made my peace with my God and my decision long before I went in for the procedure and knew I wanted so much more for this child than I could give right now. After they established that I was eating and drinking fine, they gave my antibiotics and made an appointed to see my doctor in two weeks and then I was discharged.
That was 4 days ago.
Today, I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. In my mind I make reference to my baby as if I had had and lost him/her. I had decided on the name Ashley, had it been male or female so when I pray I ask God to take care of Ashley. For me, it was the best decision I ever made and I have no regrets. I hoped by sharing my positive experience, someone considering an abortion can realise that it doesn’t have to be the negative experience we are made to think it will be and I genuinely wish you the best of luck x
Editor’s note: Thank you for submitting your story….It must have been very hard for you to feel so ill and have to make such a difficult decision, especially when you had previously thought it was something you’d never do. It sometimes seems that it’s not so much the pregnancy that is unwanted as the circumstances in which the pregnancy occurs. How much was it that way for you? It’s obviously early days for you and I expect you are feeling the sense of relief that many women experience following a termination. In time, you might experience other feelings, such as those listed on the ‘I had an abortion’ pages, particularly if you suffer another setback or go through a loss experience. If that’s the case, then please do feel free to contact a centre, the helpline or Online Advisor for support.