(Abortion) I hate this word...

(Abortion) I hate this word...I meet this guy, we really kicked it off. We moved in together and for the longest time he wanted me to have a baby. So finally I got pregnant, only after we had stopped trying. I was really excited and couldn't wait to tell him, but when I did, he told me he wanted me to get an abortion. He gave me all kinds of excuses like I’m too young and we need to be stable and other stuff. So I went and got it done. I found out I was four months pregnant and just did it anyway. He wasn't there with me so I couldn't tell him. Still to this day I try and talk about it with him and he just says it happened for a reason, we weren't ready, but it really bothers me because on February 24th, I should have been having my child. And what is even weirder is that he and I have the same birth day which is Feb. 27th. It would have been so cool. I’m just really stressed now. Every day I have seen on a billboard that when you have an abortion something in you dies. I still wonder what died in me because I’m not happy anymore, and every time I look in his eyes, I feel like I hate him. I’m sad and not happy. I don't know what to do anymore.....I’ve been to counselling and it doesn’t help and I still have my ultra sound picture! Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…There’s lot going on in you, isn’t there? It sounds as if your heart welcomed your pregnancy at the start, but your boyfriend’s response to it confused you and led you to end the pregnancy, possibly so that you wouldn’t lose him. Now you feel the pain of loss in your heart – as well as feelings of grief and anger, in particular. It’s not unusual to feel more emotional around the due date. The message your heart is telling you is that it is in pain and needs some healing. That’s why you seem to have changed so much and why you feel so negatively towards your boyfriend. You’ve said that counselling has not helped, but I wonder if you have had help from someone experienced in the problems following termination? There is hope for you. Please visit your nearest centre, call the helpline or use Online Advisor to find out about our recovery programme called The Journey. It might also help you to watch Reannon’s Journey on this website, as she had a termination at about the same time as you and has come through positively. We’ll be thinking of you.

This story was sent in on 25/01/2008

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In October 2007, one of my best friends was killed in a motorcycle accident. After three days his machine was turned off and he died. Four days later, I found out I was pregnant.

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