I didn't feel emotionally ready for a baby.

By anonymous on 31/12/2014
Anyone who is scared from horror stories they've read on the Internet about medical abortions needs to read this. I read about 500 stories and all were scary and negative. I found out I was pregnant on the 11th December 2014. I had just turned 20, and had lots of plans of travel, schooling and marriage. I wanted to have my degree and be comfortable and ready to settle before I had a baby, and that's okay, it isn't selfish! Initially decided I would keep the baby, but my partner unfortunately didn't feel the same way, after 2 agonising weeks I decided it would be impossible to keep the baby due to simply not feeling emotionally ready myself and I wanted to give my baby 100% something I feel I won't be able to do at the moment, due to not having finished college or moved out of my family home yet.
My partner was very supportive every step of the way and went with me to my first doctors appointment where we made the appointment to go to the local women's health unit, on the NHS. Between the appointments I must admit I changed my mind another 5/6 times convincing myself I could make this work. When I went to this appointment a nurse took my details, height weight and went through different contraception methods. I have been on the pill for the last 7 years and had some antibiotics (forgot that these play havoc with your pill) and fell pregnant, so it was also unexpected.
A doctor then took me in for a scan to date the pregnancy and advised my he could only see a yolk sac, so I was only around 3-4 weeks and the only option was a medical abortion - due to the horror stories I read I was of course terrified. Care confidential became a blessing to me as I took the Google the last time and typed in "positive medical abortion stories" which immediately changed my mind and I knew I could get through this. I was booked in for the Sunday (29th December) to take the first pill, where I was took into a room with a nurse, who checked blood pressure etc and asked me if I was sure, which I was 100% more sure of than when I initially came to the unit. I took the tablet and was told some people experience cramping and bleeding, I only had the cramping.
I had an appointment for the following day at 8pm and was told if I passed tissue Before 10pm I could go home, if not to stay in over night. The 4 tablets were inserted into my vagina by the nurse as soon as I got in, she then put an antibiotic into my back passage. I was told that I would soon experience come bleeding, cramping, diarrhoea and sickness. I had my own private room with en suite and my fiancé was allowed to spend the night to comfort me. At around 8.45 I felt the urge to go for a number 2, but had to collect everything and anything I passed into the cardboard bed pan type things, I felt so much relief after this but unfortunately that's when my stomach cramp began. I was given 2 painkillers and a heat pad. Being someone who always struggled with bad period pain it was just normal period pain to me, which came and went. At around 9.30 I was told to take the tampon out and the nurse saw my bleeding had begun. Since I took the tampon out, it felt like 5 minutes later and I had passed the tissue. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, it was very painful and the pressure you feel on your bladder/bowel and stomach is horrible, but the second you pass the tissue the pain eases. I passed at half past 10 at night but because of my pain levels and high blood pressure they advised me to stay in until 7 the next morning.
I personally looked, because I let my curiosity take over and because I was lucky enough to be 100% of my decision, I only saw blood clots, nothing else.
I had about 7 bouts of diarrhoea and was sick about 3 times but I think this was due to the painkillers. (I am a wuss though) I had cramps after I passed the tissue and 2 days later I still have tiny cramps but they're no where near as bad as the ones you get while passing the tissue. I was very fortunate to have amazing support, have been well informed and to have been so quick on passing. I would say before making a decision of having an abortion, make sure you are 100%, it's your decision and don't let anyone pressure you into it. I felt like I was pressured into keeping it from my mother and aunts more than anything, but they came round and supported my decision and even attended my initial appointment with me. It is completely okay to not be ready for a baby, it's completely okay to feel guilt afterwards and want to grieve even if you have made this decision, even if you are sure, it's completely okay to feel like you want time for yourself first. It's completely okay to have an abortion!

Editor's Comment

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I am sure that feeling confident in your decision and having support helped you through a difficult time.
I think it is important to explore your own thoughts and feelings if you have an unintended pregnancy as these can sometimes guide your decision and help you to choose the option you will feel comfortable with.

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