I want my baby back so badly

I had an abortion 2 weeks on Monday. I was shaking when I found out because me and my partner of 2 years had only had a discussion the night before where he said he did not want a kid yet.
I have a little girl already who is almost 5 I love her so much but after the abortion I've been so upset I've found it hard to be there for her properly.
The baby was only 5 and a half weeks so nothing really but to me I felt like it was and I was already attached.
He said if I kept it he would leave me and it would ruin our lives.
At the clinic I begged him not to make me do it and at 1 point I even walked out .... I wish to god I didn't do it and I want my baby back so badly ...it's all I think about from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. I can't stop crying.
He is trying to be there for me but I have so much anger towards him. I know he was just worried about money because he's bought a flat and money is so tight at the moment and for the next year. But now all I want is to have it back...I've begged him to take away my pain an give it back to me I know having another won't bring back the one I gave up, but I feel it will give me what I need to move on and close this huge hole in my heart.

Editor's Comment

That is very painful for you to regret the decision you made and it sounds as though you made it for your partner rather than because you were sure it was what you wanted. It is often much harder to choose abortion when you have a child already, because you already know what it is like to be a mother and to love your child. It may take you some time to get over this sadness and feeling of loss, and post abortion support is available so talking this through with someone independent may help you to work through these difficult feelings, for post abortion support. .
This story was sent in on 06/02/2015 and it's been viewed 51 times.

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