My medical abortion at 8 weeks was deeply traumatic

My experience of medical abortion was deeply traumatic.

I took the first pill there and then

I had my first appointment where they scanned me & I was told I am 8+5 & then given the option of medical or surgical... I chose medical & took the first pill there & then. That pill made me sick all day & I felt truly awful [other experiences of surgical abortion and abortion at 8 weeks of pregnancy].

The 4 pills the next day would start the abortion

The next day I had an appointment to take 4 more pills that would start the abortion. I inserted them vaginally then after the nurse gave me my pain killers & filled in my forms I was free to go... I didn't feel like going home so I had a drive to a county park & sat for a while listening to the radio.

4 hours later the bleeding and cramps started

Eventually 4 hours later I went home & the bleeding had started & the cramps were getting really bad. I was lying down in my bed & all of a sudden I felt very wet, fluid was pouring out of me & it felt like I was weeing myself. I put my hand on my back & when I looked at my hand it was bright red, to avoid getting blood on the bed I knelt up.

As I knelt up a huge gush of fluid came bursting out of me, it felt like a water balloon exploding out of me, it was so sudden & it came out with such force I thought my stomach had come out & I thought I was dying. Blood had soaked through my clothes & all through to the bedding, by this point I was terrified & screaming in fear.

I felt as if I was going to pass out

I had no idea what was going on, the mass felt so big. I went to the toilet & my clothes were red, the bathroom floor was a blood pool & I could feel a jelly-like mass stuck hanging out of my vagina, I was crying so hard & I felt as if I was going to pass out.

I knew I had to get the mass out of me, I didnt think I could do it, but somehow it fell out of me. I stood up & the blood was pouring out of me. I took the mass out of the toilet & my little baby was there & perfect, it was still in the amniotic fluid & safe in the sac, it had 2 little eyes, fingers toes, a face...

I went in the shower & when I washed my vagina there was another big mass hanging out of me, it fell out in the shower. The water was red & the blood was still pouring out of me. I put my baby in a small plastic tub along with the other products & I am going to do a little burial.

I keep reliving the moment

This happened 2 days ago so its still so fresh in my mind. I keep reliving the moment the mass ripped out of me & i cannot ever forget the overwhelming fear & horror. There was a blood bath, it was as if a blood bomb exploded out of me.

I just feel traumatised

I feel guilt, sadness, emptiness, I just feel traumatised by the sudden onset of the abortion. I hope in time I am able to move & forgive myself. For now I am stuck on a merry go round, going round & round & round reliving the abortion & the feelings of fear. I wouldnt recommend a medical abortion to anyone.