I had an abortion because my boyfriend really did not want to have a baby.

I had an abortion because my boyfriend really did not want to have a baby. He said we were too young, didn't have enough money, and it would ruin our lives. I always wanted my baby. I loved him from the moment I knew I was pregnant. But I was caught in a desperate situation. I did not want to have the baby alone and I knew my parents would be so disappointed in me. So I did what my boyfriend told me to do. I knew it would be a huge mistake and it was. I can't believe I did it. The days after the abortion were the darkest days of my life. I am amazed I got through them. I felt like I had died inside. I am desperate to go back and change what I did. I want my baby more than anything. No matter how hard it would have been, it would not be as hard as this. My baby would be 15 months old now. I think about him every day, and I expect I will for the rest of my life. Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your feelings with us...There seems to be a deep sadness in you. You had to make a difficult decision between your boyfriend and your baby, a decision that many women feel under pressure to make. I wonder how much you struggled to deal with it alone afterwards and whether your relationship has survived this experience, given your sense of sadness and the clarity you have about your feelings. Having been through an anniversary date, it may be the right time for you to consider our recovery programme, ‘The Journey’ to help you grieve your loss and find a way of remembering your baby. Contact your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor for some confidential care and support. We’ll be thinking of you.

This story was sent in on 08/03/2008

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