I had an abortion at 6 weeks and am not sure I'll ever get over it

I had an abortion at 6 weeks. I only knew I was pregnant for a day, but I'm not sure I'll ever get over it. Here is my story...

I have 3 beautiful children, 5, 2, and 9 months. The last has been a particulary difficult baby, only just sleeping through the night. My husband said he only wanted 2 children and the third was an accident, which he now obviously adores but initially was not thrilled...

I was waiting for my period to come back before putting the coil in, and got pregnant accidentally. I knew there wasn't even going to be a choice. The difficult thing is that I knew I could have done it, but my husband just laughed and changed the story when I told him, that's it.

We have 3 beautiful children and I know had I had another now, I don't think I could have given the attention to my family and children that I would like.

The abortion process itself wasn't bad but afterwards, it's been painful

I wanted it to be over as quick as possible so I didn't get attached to the baby. But now looking back, I wish I had let it sink in as I do feel I rushed into it, and who knows, maybe my husband would have come round, maybe we could have done it?

The process itself wasn't bad at all, I think as I was so early on, just like having a period. Hardly any pains at all.

I opted for the abortion pill. It's the after bit which has been so painful. I'm brimming with regret and confusion and resentment towards my husband. He feels happy now the whole process is over, whilst I'm suffering like I've never imagined.

I would do anything to turn back time

I would do anything to turn back the time. But ultimately I know why we made the decision and right then and there, that was probably the right decision to make.

I now understand I had to make the greatest sacrifice a woman can ever make. I did it for my family, my children. And the only way I can cope at the moment is there being a glimmer of hope that I can give this soul a place in our family in the not so distant future, when we've finished moving house, children are a little bit older.

My husband now understands what I'm going through

My husband now understands the enormity of the process I'm having to go through and I suppose as thanks for doing this, he's agreed to let us try (god willing) for another baby in a year.

Please god I hope to meet this beautiful soul again soon.

This story was sent in on 18/05/2015

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