I regret my abortion, it's not something you forget but you learn to deal with it
I had an abortion six years ago at the of 17. I never imagined it would happen to me I guess at that age we can be naive. I wasn't in a relationship so for me I was in a worse situation as there were no feelings between me and what would of been the father. It wasn't planned and to be honest neither of us thought anything of the situation we was in.
Until one day I found myself throwing up and not being able to cope well with keeping food down. A few days later I decided to take a pregnancy test at that time I still felt oblivious to what may actually show up. I took the test in the morning and it came back positive.
I didn't know whether to be happy or sad
Straight away my family found out the news and were divested that I managed to get in such a difficult and emotional situation. I was a wreck and had no idea whether to be happy or sad!
I guess for me I always knew that no matter how disappointed my family may have been they would support me and stand by my final decision. For others they may not be so lucky their families or friends may have a banded them or even worse that person may have no body to turn too!
No one goes through the same feelings or thoughts when it comes to making such a decision. Everyone copes differently and especially when you have to consider a life its so important to not rush into any decision.
For me my family were telling me to abort the baby that I had so much more of my life to live before I settled down that ide be wasting my teenage life.
He told me straight away to abort
I went to inform the guy who was equally responsible and he told me straight away to abort the baby no surprise to me. I had no idea what to do for the best, I wasn't thinking long term only about the here and now.
I went for a scan which was a very emotional time for me I was 8 weeks and 4 days gone and to me that seemed a lot. I had two weeks to make a decision to me no amount of time was ever going to be long enough to decide such fate. But two weeks passed and after going through every possible thing I could think of I made the decision to have an abortion.
Every day seemed to get harder
I had an abortion in October and I cried every day and every night for weeks and weeks every day seemed to get harder and I kept thinking what if. I eventually decided to have counselling sessions to try and help control my mental state this went on for about a year after my abortion. Things become more easier I still broke down now and again but I began to build a future for myself and look towards coping with the loss of my baby.
However its something il never ever get over. Its something that still effects me today. 6 years on I still think what if I had kept the baby how different my life would of been.
I regret my abortion
I do regret having an abortion because I feel its a selfish and easy way out. We often forget its a life and take for granted the opportunities out there to abort a baby.
I'm not going to lie and say it's easy because as I said before it's never something you forget. It's just something you learn to deal with. In the first few weeks after I couldn't look at babies and I couldn't be around them because I'd think about myself having that.
It's still hard after 6 years
The hardest part for me after 6 years is seeing people close to me have a family and the joy it brings to their lives. Although I wasn't in a relationship at the time or in a stable situation like many of my friends are who are having babies now it doesn't make any difference it effects your mind and heart.
As I say everyone handles things differently and ide advice anyone to think long term not just about the here and now because it is something that you have to live with for the rest of your life and importantly its whether you can provide that child with the love it needs and deserves.
It may also destroy family & friends
I know in my heart I would of loved that child more then anything in the world but the time just wasn't right for me. Ive learnt to not be so niave and to understand the consequences my actions do have. It doesn't just destroy you as a person it also may destroy your family and friends around you.
But I know one day I will get the family ive always dreamed off and I know that my babies soul will be in the baby that I do have. I hope one day I can show the world what an amazing mum I can be.
I hope you all manage to find the right answers and you all manage to succeed even if it means being alone.
Kelly sent this story in on 20/05/2015