My husband and I were taking all the precautions but this just snuck up on us

By Mom of Three on 25/05/2015

I haven't had the abortion...yet. I'm incredibly confused. My husband and I have been taking all precautions, and this just snuck up on us.

There was a time when I wanted to have another baby with him, but he never has. I had finally settled in the happiness of my three children growing older (from my previous marriage) and being more independent.

My husband and I have been allowed to spend time together. We have a wonderful, loving relationship. We are best friends.

I found out about a week ago I am pregnant. I'm about 5 weeks now. I am so incredibly torn.

On one hand, we are in the beginnings of starting a new business and we aren't exactly financially sound. We'll need a larger vehicle. I'll have to stop working at a certain point and he'll be alone, as its hard physical labor.

He doesn't want to be a father right now, although he does say whatever decision I make, he'll stand by me. He is definitely leaning towards abortion, though.

He has many apprehensive feelings about fatherhood, and the only negative feeling he has about abortion is its effect on me.

I've recently lost a lot of weight... I'm taking control of my body and just getting to enjoy myself again. And I feel so incredibly selfish even considering those things.

On the other hand, I feel like a monster even considering killing my child. I've always said I never would... albeit I've always been pro-choice and would never disrespect another woman's decision, I've just never been open to it for myself.

I know we'd be wonderful parents together, and I would love to one day experience that with my husband, but I never wanted to do it unplanned without him on deck.

This baby managed to get through ridiculous odds.

I can't use birth control, which I know makes it sound like less ridiculous odds, but basically I track my ovulation religiously. We use condoms if we have sex during a 12 frame around ovulation, but usually we just skip.

I am completely regular and never deviate and this method of birth control has worked for me for a very long time with no issues. Last month, thought I never ovulated, which was odd. We still did not have sex until our safe time despite this. It turns out I ovulated BEFORE I even started tracking, which means basically I would have ovulated RIGHT AFTER my period, about 7 days early.

This is a freak incident and has never happened to me. I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of divine intervention or something, and terminating this pregnancy would be a huge mistake.

But if I dont, I run the risk of complicating our lives even further and hurting my husband badly.

I just don't know what to do... I feel so foolish and terrible... and I go between feeling incredibly emotional and drained to feeling hard and callous and dead.

I don't want to bring a baby into this world whose father may not want it... but I don't want to terminate and run the risk of ruining our marriage with the emotional aftermath. I feel like a total basket case.

Thank you. :-( 

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