I had protected sex with someone I wasn't in love with and tried to convince myself I wasn't pregnant

By Frankie on 12/06/2015
medical abortion

I knew something was different

I am 27 years old and never expected I would be the one to get pregnant. I had a cortisone shot for a tear in my shoulder and my period had been about a week late, my moods totally off, and a minimal appetite which I all related to the stress dose of steroids.

In the back of my mind, I knew something was different this time but kept trying to convince myself it was the steroids. I had PROTECTED sex about 4 weeks earlier with someone I knew I wasn't in love with which was another reason I kept trying to convince myself that I was not pregnant.

I took a test in the bathroom at CVS

Early morning after I got off an overnight shift at the hospital I stopped at a local CVS for a pregnancy test, took it in their bathroom, and it was instantly positive.

My mind was racing, and I was the only one in the store and I began thinking the girl at the register knew I took it in the bathroom and she must know its positive by the look on my face.

I sent a “call me” text

On the drive home I sent a "call me" text to the man I slept with and got an immediate call back.

I think both of us were in shock. I immediately knew I could not go through with a pregnancy when I wasn't even in a relationship with this guy, didn't really care much about him, was trying to pay off my horrendous student loan debt, living at home still, and with the dreams I still had to live out.

I made numerous phone calls that morning and got into an ob/gyns office who, because I'm a medical professional myself, agreed to give me an Rx for misoprostol to take that day at home and text her with updates.

24 hours later I knew the misoprostol hadn't worked

Misoprostol was awful- horrendous cramps, the worst diarrhea, fever, chills, and extreme nausea were the worst of it. 24 hours after first dosing I still had no bleeding, and I knew it didn't work.

At that point, the thought of "the odds seriously haven't been in my favor since the moment this began! I was within the 3% of people that condoms didn't work for, and now I was within the 15% that the misoprostol alone didn't work for!".

My doctor booked the OR for a D&C

I immediately told my doctor I didn't think it worked and she booked me for the OR the next day for a d&c.

I had told my mother at this point who was very good about the whole thing, given that she had gone through it before my siblings and I came along so she took me to the procedure.

It was quick & pain-free but has left me feeling guilty

Is it odd that the entire time of going through this situation I did not want to be around the guy who helped me get into this? Instead, he was out with his friends and I frankly didn't give a hoot.

The procedure was quick, relatively pain-free afterwards (minimal cramping, some nausea, and little bleeding), however, I recall waking up sobbing about how guilty I felt.

I feel as if everyone knows

It's been 24 hours, and I feel like I still don't want to leave the house. I feel a sense of shame, extreme guilt, and as if everyone at work knows what I did since I had the procedure at the hospital I work at.

I almost don't want anyone to see me for a few days. I do not feel like myself and I feel like this experience will forever change me. I feel kind of alone in it, but also don't want to talk to anyone about it either.

I'd make the same decision again

I am hopeful these feelings will change as time passes. Looking back, I think I would still make the same decision as it was most fair to everyone, however, I still feel very guilty :\

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