I'm 31 yrs old and terminated at 14 weeks after confirmation of trisomy 18 by CVS

I had a medical abortion due to confirmation of trisomy 18 by Chorionic villus sampling (CVS). I'm 31 yrs old and terminated at 14 weeks.

After taking Mifepristone on the Friday I was called back to the hospital at 10 am on Sunday. After checks and paperwork, I was given lunch, changed into gowns, given some large pants and pads and made comfortable.

A nurse inserted 4 tablets into my cervix and advised me to sit still as long as possible and if pain started to give her a buzz. Averagely they said within 3 hours something would happen, mine started not long after 20 minutes - pains that didn't really resemble labour contractions more like constant pains (I have a daughter 8 years old so I've felt contractions before) and my partner had popped to the shops as we were both expecting a wait!

He returned and found me in a lot of pain. The nurse had given me two 500mg tablets of co-drydamol which honestly didn't even take the edge off. I have a high pain threshold usually but this pain wasn't period pain. I couldn't sit on the bed so started to pace, finding the movement easing even for a few seconds at a time until the pains started to change.

I called the nurse again and asked for something stronger specifically asking for tramadol. She returned with one tablet and I took it. The effects don't usually start to work until an hour after ingestion so I knew I was in for a wait, I continued to pace.

I was still in major pain but no bleeding had started, and with no sign of anything, I was wondering when things would start. While standing I felt a sudden 'pop' inside, it shocked me then a few minutes after there was another pop and then before I could say anything a huge gush of water and blood ran between my legs and the baby had come out into my pants.

The pains instantly stopped. My partner rushed up, rang the nurse's bell and went physically to grab someone. I knew what had happened, I knew the baby was there.

The nurse came in and dealt with the matter so well. She respected my wishes that I didn't want to see the baby and made me lay on the bed with my gown covering the view. She clipped the chord and cut it, wrapped baby up and into a tub, whilst the other nurse cleaned me up.

The placenta still needed to pass so I was told to lay until I could feel contractions start. This came shortly after and I was cleaned up and ordered to rest.

So many thoughts and feelings for the whole situation passed my mind, but medically the baby wouldn't survive birth, or past it, therefore since 10 weeks I'd not attached my feelings to something I couldn't have? I knew by seeing the baby it would cause unwanted distress.

The nurse returned and confirmed physical disformity. It's not baby's fault or mine, that's just life and the cards I was dealt. I can't say why me, because why not me? I was that statistic, that one woman out of thousands to have a chromosomal defect in a foetus, and I chose to terminate. My partner and I were 100% agreed.

If I'd naturally lost a healthy baby I would probably be an absolute wreck but because I knew nothing could ever be, in my mind I'd come to terms with the process and dealt with it. I won't ever forget baby or regret what I did. My heart and mind are at rest and my baby too.

This story was sent in on 13/07/2015 and it's been viewed 76 times.

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