I was 32 when I found out I was pregnant and in a three year long relationship which had had many ups and downs.

I was 32 when I found out I was pregnant and in a three year long relationship which had had many ups and downs. My first thought was that the pregnancy was a disaster and I felt bad for my boyfriend who already had one child from an unplanned pregnancy with his last girlfriend. I knew how negatively it had affected him and I didn't want us to end up like they did - living apart with him only seeing his daughter a few days a week. I wanted our baby deep down, but I never said this to him. He didn't want the baby and promised that one day in the future we would have children, and plan it properly. I went through with the abortion. I was seven weeks pregnant and it was the worst experience of my life. That was 18 months ago and not a day goes by when I don't regret it. Unfortunately, despite not wanting the baby himself, my boyfriend sees it as something I did, not something WE did. I am now at a stage where I would like to have a baby but he is less keen and tells me it’s my fault I don't already have a child. I don't think either of us will ever get over what we did. I was not offered any pre-abortion counselling. My GP just made the referral for the abortion and the appointment came through within two weeks. It all seemed so quick and easy...I took a tablet and the baby disappeared. My advice to anyone considering an abortion is to consider how you might feel after you go through with it. I used to be a happy stress-free person. Now I am on medication for depression and my relationship is all but over. Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story with us...You were obviously trying to do something positive for your relationship by ending the pregnancy, but that meant you didn’t really talk about what was going on deep in your heart. Now you feel regret and perhaps even some guilt, especially since your partner seems to be making you are solely responsible for the decision. The father’s response to his partner’s pregnancy is always important for the outcome of that pregnancy. Because of this, it may help you, if you are both willing, to visit a centre, talk through what has happened and be honest about how you are relating. You will also have the opportunity, then, to talk through your emotions since your abortion. Depression is a way of coping with pain, such as anger, guilt and grief, like drawing a grey blanket around you in an attempt to hibernate from these negative feelings. Perhaps you are a little nervous that your emotions are too strong for you to face or reveal, but experiencing these emotions in a safe place and learning to relate to them in a better way is what will help you come through them to a place of hope and healing. Please contact your nearest centre, the helpline or Online Advisor for more support.

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