My boyfriend told me the decision was mine and that scared me

I was fourteen when I fell pregnant. No form of birth control was used, and I knew I was pregnant before taking the test.

When I told my boyfriend of 16, he said the choice was mine, but if it was his body, he would go through with an abortion. That scared me, and we both decided to tell our parents.

It started out horrible. Everyone was angry, a whole storm of things, questions, lots of anger. I didn't know how to deal with it.

Then I got really sick. At the worst, I hadn't eaten for a week, and this was as a result of the vomiting and tiredness all contributing. It got so horrible with the cramps, I honestly couldn't bear it. I loved my baby, but I made a choice to call the abortion clinic because I was getting too sick.

I was I think 8 weeks when I went in, so when I arrived, I went into the entrance room..

It was empty, containing two doors, one which was locked what entranced into the clinic, and one to leave. There was nothing but a phone there, and I picked it up and confirmed my name and apt time.

After waiting for a few minutes, I was called into the councillors room and I had to sign papers. That's where they went over the procedure with me, they said they would be doing a vacuum suction to remove the baby.

After I was on the table, they gave me drugs and called it my "martini", which in fact made me cringe a little, and I wanted to run out of there, but they were already giving me needles on my cervix, and opening me up for a ultrasound and the final procedure.

I wanted to see my baby, maybe to convince myself otherwise, but they wouldn't show me. The nurses kept telling me that I was ok, and it was almost over. I was terrified about what my baby was going through, but after I didn't feel sick, but guilty. I felt them violently suction my baby from me, and after, I literally felt empty.

It was the worst decision emotionally to do, but the absolute worst was to have unprotected sex.

I'm sorry baby. I'm so so sorry.

This story was sent in on 27/07/2015

Read more abortion stories

I found I was pregnant 2 wks after taking the morning after pill

I knew abortion was something I didn't want to do…

Previous

I feel I didn't stop to really think about it and feel so empty now

The overwhelming feeling of regret has hit me hard…

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or have been affected by similar issues in the past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be difficult but can be very rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →