I expected a blood bath, vomiting and diarrhoea and for it to be utterly hideous

I am 40, my husband is 43. We have been together for 16 years and have 2 boys who are 5½ and 2½.

After I had my second I was sure I did not want another child. As my son grew out of things it was all given away, car seat, clothes etc etc.

A couple of weeks ago my period was due I had some light bleeding but it stopped. The following day I had a very upset stomach which wouldn't clear. After 3 days I suddenly thought, I'd better do a pregnancy test.

I knew before the lines came up it was positive and my heart sank when they actually did. Not the same feeling as when I had positive tests previously.

I knew I couldn't go through with it, the reasons were numerous. Too old, my eldest has additional needs, house and car too small, financial struggles etc.

I live somewhere in the British Isles where abortion is illegal so I found the women on web site who provide medical abortions for a donation to women who live where abortion isn't readily available.

I completed the questionnaire on Wednesday, had a email to day the package had been sent on Thursday and it arrived the followIng Tuesday.

I waited until Sunday to take the pill that ends the pregnancy and then 24 hours later I inserted the 4 misoprostol tablets. I then went to bed. I took ibuprofen and paracetamol about an hour before.

I had some mild pain after 2 hours and bleeding started 3½ hours later. It was heavier than a period but not as bad as I expected. I did not feel nauseous or have diarrhoea which I fully expected to as morning sickness had been bad.

About 4 hours after I started bleeding I passed a lump of jelly and big clot which I assume was the pregnancy. I did not look closely at it.

Since then I have been bleeding like a period and the cramping is much milder. I slept very soundly last night and all the pregnancy symptoms have gone today, I feel relieved.

There were moments yesterday when I felt like a terrible person and got very tearful, but I had to remind myself of the reasons behind my decision and when my lovely kids got home from nursery and hugged me tightly I knew I had made the right decision.

I read many abortion stories before I took the tablets and was very anxious about what was going to happen, I expected a blood bath, vommiting and diarrhoea and for it to be utterly hideous. While it is not something I ever intend to experience again it really wasn't that bad. I hope my story reassures someone out there.

This story was sent in on 06/10/2015

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