To this day I find it hard to talk about my abortion but I have so many questions

I'd never really considered having a baby, I was always the one saying I never wanted children.

Nearly a year ago today on my 20th birthday I had been out to celebrate and the next morning I just didn't feel normal. I kept throwing up and feeling dizzy, I don't really suffer from hangovers but thought maybe I had overdone it the night before. Oh, how wrong was I.

After two days of not feeling myself, I took myself to my local clinic to be told I was pregnant. At that moment I felt so many different emotions. I was in a stable relationship so telling my partner wasn't a problem, it was more a case of would we cope?

Would I be able to give this baby everything it needed, after days of talking about it... one minute a baby was all we wanted, then we didn't, then we did.

We came to the decision that an abortion was best, so I booked in with my GP who referred me to BPAS. After speaking to them it seemed like my 'consultation' was days away but, it came round quicker than anything.

Off we went to the clinic I had to be checked over: my weight, blood, blood pressure etc, I was given a date to come back for the actual procedure, even after stating it was what I wanted. I just wanted to scream.

But as you can tell by me writing on here the abortion came and went. To this day I find it hard to talk about it. There are so many questions I need answers to, will I get pregnant again? Have I ruined my chances of being a mother?

I would advise anyone who has or is thinking of having an abortion to make sure it really is what they want.

This story was sent in on 28/05/2015

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