They booked me 3 abortions and each time I refused to go but gave in after 8 weeks
About 2 years ago my engagement with a man I had been with since I was a teenager began to break down. I was lost and confused but one thing that I was certain about was my feelings for a friend I had known for many years. I knew it was wrong but I felt I had no way out of my relationship when I confronted my fiancé about our problems.
Long story short I began a relationship and fell in love with the other man. Our relationship was a few months old when I discovered I was pregnant. Although I was almost certain the baby was his, the small element of doubt was too risky and we agreed to abort.
I hid this from my fiancé and allowed my partner to care for me. The abortion was traumatic. I had post-traumatic stress disorder which included painful flashbacks, tremors, nightmares, and depression. I felt trapped and alone.
I continued my secret relationship which now had a stronger bond but I vowed to end my engagement. Only every time I tried to leave it was a huge guilt trippy emotional ordeal which began to confuse me and further plunge me into depression.
When it was nearing the year benchmark of the abortion I believe I stopped caring and began praying for a second chance or another child. I knew I had lost my mind but I was still grieving. I know my actions have no justification but they made sense in my confused mind.
I found out I was pregnant almost a year to the day of my last pregnancy. This time I vowed to keep my baby. I left my fiancé and my partner and I made plans for our family. I told my family about my pregnancy which took all the strength I had.
They were less than supportive. I begged and pleaded with them to understand but I was met with so much negativity. They accused me of being responsible for the possible deaths and suicides of themselves and my ex.
I was told I’d never survive and would end up a single mother with no support or prospects. I was told I was selfish, I was ruining everyone’s lives and that I would have so many people hate me that my life would not be worth living.
They booked me 3 abortions. Each time I refused to go. Finally, after 8 weeks of wearing me down daily, I gave in. I had no more strength left. I felt defeated, weary, suicidal and unsure of myself.
They took me privately to have a surgical abortion which I was told would be nothing like the previous trauma. It was worse purely because I felt hopeless, weak and mentally worn down. It was not my choice and I did it to save my Family and my ex pain. Brainwashed to believe it was the most loving choice.
My relationship with my partner is now uncertain as he is heartbroken. I hope we can mend it and have a family one day. And that I don’t end up alone with the burden of regret.
Be strong and sure of your decision. Don’t let anyone, no matter how much they love you, take away your right to choose.
This story was sent in on 11/02/2019