I discovered I was pregnant ten days ago. After telling my boyfriend we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy.
We went to the first appointment to find out how far gone I was. Four days later and after discovering I was 6 weeks gone, we then had to make the decision about which route of termination we would choose. I felt completely let down by the system. I expected they would help us make the right decision but we were left to do this alone, having neither had to deal with something like this before and feeling extremely scared. We ended up choosing the medical option, and were made an appointment for five days later at a private clinic for the first tablet.
I knew I wasn't coping at all with what was going on. I was crying continually and had broken my heart questioning myself if I had made the right decision. We both went however for the first appointment three days ago now and after dealing with the anti-abortionists outside, we went in the clinic to find a small cramped room full of women feeling the same as I did. This was comforting and suddenly I felt I wasn't the only person going through it.
The nurse wasn't reassuring, and although I do understand she had to check with me that I was making the right choice, she continually pestered me over my decision and even reminded me there was "no going back." I took the tablet, however, and left to go home, having been told to come back two days later (today).
The day after taking the tablet I began to feel very unwell. I started bleeding very heavily and passed numerous blood clots which were bigger than a £2 coin. I then rang the out of hours number I had been given at the clinic if I encountered any problems as the nurse explained I may have some light bleeding, but what I was experiencing was much heavier than my heaviest period and I began to panic. I rang the number, and spoke very briefly to a foreign lady in Birmingham – two hours away from where I live. She was particularly unhelpful, and I decided to ring NHS Direct at midnight after worrying for a further 3-4 hours.
By this time I was experiencing crippling stomach cramps, and continual bleeding. NHS Direct advised me to ring the on-call doctor if my symptoms got any worse but I managed to get to sleep. I woke up the following morning early as I knew I had to be at the clinic for the second dose of tablets for 8am. After realising the bleeding had become less heavy I went back upstairs but blacked out before I reached the top. I was out for a few minutes and although I felt dizzy and nauseous, my boyfriend and I got ready and made the journey to the clinic. On arrival, I made the Sister aware of what had been going on and she took me to see the Doctor who said I could have already miscarried but was unsure, so I would have to wait another day, which is tomorrow, to find out for definite. I am still in a lot of pain, and would never have chosen this option if I was aware of the possible complications. I'm now going to A&E to see if they can help me with the pain and determine if I have already miscarried. The not knowing is so traumatic. I just want it all to be over because this really the hardest thing I have ever been through.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It sounds as if you’ve had a really difficult time physically, coupled with the fact that the decision was a heart-breaking one too. At the moment, you are obviously preoccupied with what the procedure involved and how it affected you, but I wonder that your initial difficulties over making the decision may catch up with you when you realise what your experience actually means. Your head may have said that this was the most sensible decision given your circumstances, but it’s clear that a part of you was not so comfortable with the thought of ending the pregnancy, the part that would really ‘love to have a baby’. You may feel you’d like to talk through your experience with someone who understands. If so, contact your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor for some support.