It was the 18th December 2003 when I had an abortion.

It was the 18th December 2003 when I had an abortion. I was 16 and hadn't shown any signs of being pregnant - not even a missed period! But my boyfriend kept telling me I was, so I took a test…and there it was!! I was excited; I went to the doctor’s, told him I was keeping it and he arranged for a midwife to ring me. We went out and bought pregnancy books and even a baby gro!! But then I told my mum...everything changed. She wanted me to have an abortion. My mum had my sister when she was 19 and was telling me how difficult it was. I ended up coming round to the idea that it was for the best, even though I REALLY wanted to keep it!!! The day before the abortion the midwife rang to arrange an appointment, so I had to explain to her! Also my ex-boyfriend walked to my house (two miles in the dark and rain down a country road!) to see me and make sure I was ok - we are now back together!!! Anyway, when I got to the clinic I found out I was only 7 weeks pregnant. I had been told 12 weeks by a doctor. Because I was only 16 I had to have 4 tablets to help my cervix dilate so I had to hang around for an extra hour before the procedure for that to happen. When I came round from the anaesthetic, I was crying hysterically! A few months later, my boyfriend and I split up for several reasons. He got a 15 year old pregnant, was calling me a murderer and I realised I loved my ex. It’s been nearly five years now and not a day goes by when I don’t think about it in some way! For example, I work in a nursery now and a month ago we had a graduation day for the children leaving for school and I suddenly realised that my child would be at the same stage now!! I SO want a baby; I feel like a mother! But I don't want to force my boyfriend before he's ready. It has got easier but it’s still tough. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It sounds as if you had a very positive heart response to the idea of being pregnant at first and I wonder if this is why you woke up in the way you did from the anaesthetic. Something deep down knew exactly what happened when you had the abortion; even if your logic was telling you it all made sense for your circumstances. Remembering your abortion in some way every day, and your longing for a new baby, are aspects of the loss and grief you felt – and still feel in your heart. It may be helpful for you to have some support to work through your experience and its accompanying emotions. If so, contact your nearest centre, ring the helpline or use Online Advisor.
This story was sent in on 17/09/2008 and it's been viewed 1,193 times.

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