In May 2008, I went through with an abortion.

By anonymous on 01/10/2008
In May 2008, I went through with an abortion. I'm not here to tell the story of it. Something I feel strongly about, though, is telling people considering this decision something I learnt but have not read elsewhere on the internet. When doing my hours and hours of extensive searching on the internet prior to the termination, I found a very common fact that was always mentioned in relation to a relationship. Many relationships, they say, break down after an abortion. The process of terminating your child is too much for a couple etc etc.

My long term relationship did break down during and after this, due to my (ex) boyfriend’s total lack of empathy and support. However, all the time I tried to hold us together, not wanting this idea to be true. I have realised and I think it's so important to say, an abortion does not cause problems in a relationship. It highlights problems that are already there that you may just not see yet and so when and if it breaks down after, the abortion should not be blamed, however hard. It should not make you sway your decision to have or not have a termination. Like my mum wisely told me- there is no point beating a dead horse. If your boyfriend/ husband/ partner and you truly love each other, you will support each other no matter how hard and you will come through the other side. If not, please realise and remember, no matter how much you love him, at the end of the day love is not everything and you'd rather be with someone who cherished you and supported you.

My abortion has changed me as a person, stronger. I have left my baby and my boyfriend in the past. Something that is very hard but I know I am a stronger person now. I have had a good outcome from a disastrous experience. I hope this may have given a different insight to the break down of a post abortion relationship. Xxx

Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing this valuable insight you have about relationships and abortion…You are absolutely right to say that an abortion experience can draw out and highlight the fault lines or poor foundations in a relationship, often meaning that it ends as a result of not being able to stand the pressure. In that sense, an abortion experience can act as a catalyst for breakdown, as you suggest.

It sounds as if you had a tough time coming through your relational difficulties. Your response to your abortion experience seems to have been one of strengthening your will and determination. Be kind to yourself as well, won’t you? Sometimes, when pushing through or moving on, our hearts can be in need of some kindness and care. If you ever feel you need some support, please get in touch. Thank you for sharing with us.

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