I had an abortion 1 week ago, after being deceived by a man who I thought loved me.

By anonymous on 03/10/2008
I had an abortion 1 week ago, after being deceived by a man who I thought loved me. It was not an easy decision, but already being a single mum, I was not in a position to proceed and I have made the best decision for me, my child and our circumstances. My partner (ex) lives in France and I have told my story here before.

In a nutshell he wasn't what he seemed, however, he has supported me through the abortion, emotionally and by being around, and now that it is complete, we have departed our ways. I had an early medical abortion and after the first dose of medication I was taken to A&E as I haemorrhaged. This is unusual for the first lot of tablets, and I never made the appointment for the second dose, 2 days later, as I was admitted to hospital. After this event, it was suggested that I had the anaesthetic and have the foetus removed by this small surgical method. I was more terrified of the anaesthetic than anything else, which is testimonial to my feelings towards the pregnancy. In the end, I did not need this as a second scan showed that the first dose of medicine had caused me to expel the pregnancy.

From one woman to any other reading this, you can only make this decision with your heart. If you have any doubts, if you feel any compassion for the pregnancy, any feelings toward your baby, you should seek counselling before choosing an abortion. If like me, you are 100% certain of an abortion, all I could advise is to be brave and strong. I never knew I had such strength until now.

When I was pregnant with my 3 year old son, when I found out I was filled with joy. I told everybody. I dashed to the shops to buy things. I had chosen his name within the hour. But with this pregnancy I was filled with dread, regret and despair. As cold as it sounds, throughout the whole experience, my only concern was for my own health, and I have no feelings of guilt or regret. I used protection. It failed. I had the morning after pill (40 hours after intercourse) - this also failed. If this pregnancy was a consequence of my own actions, maybe I would feel the pain and regret that others feel after an abortion, but I feel only relief. Discuss the procedure with your doctor, and be sure to know all your options, any risks and future implications. If I have learnt a lesson from this, it is that sometimes a condom will not suffice, and you can't rely on the morning after pill either. Have at least two forms of contraception already in place.

I have asked myself, if this pregnancy occurred against all odds, was it meant to happen? Have I defied fate? Will I be punished for this? But, I can't go down that route or I will risk emotional suffering. I made my choice, and now I just have to continue to be the best mum I can be to my son and concentrate on the future. I would like another child again in the future, but only when I am sure that a new arrival would not potentially destroy the life that my son and I have fought so hard for. I wish you all the best in your decision and the future.

Editor’s note: Thanks for updating us with your story…It was a difficult decision for you, given the circumstances you were under. Relief is a common emotion after abortion – even a physically difficult one - because all the problems are now dealt with. In time, you may experience other emotions in relation to your abortion, even though it seemed like the best choice, and you may need some support. If that is the case, you know how to find us. We’d be very happy to help.

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