I had a medical abortion at 8 weeks just over five months ago. This decision came to be a very big mistake and I have regretted everyday since.
My boyfriend and I had been together six years but during this time our relationship had been very unstable and we faced many difficulties partly because we were separated by over 100 miles for three and half years due to work commitments. In early April this year he found a job nearer to me and was set to move back, so we decided this was the time to give our relationship one last try. I had mixed feelings about this. I was excited but nervous as we had got used to seeing each other once a month. While preparing for the move we saw each other almost every week, as there was so much to be organised and transported. For a long time in our relationship we had been careless as we fell into the trap of 'it will never happen to us' so I was surprised when the next month my period was late and I discovered I was pregnant. I still believe this was the happiest day of my life but when I told my boyfriend, he did not respond how I thought he would and we started to wonder how we would manage. He was just about to start a new job, I was about to start university so I had temporary jobs and lack of money. He had not moved home yet; we would be living with our parents at separate houses when he moved back, and I was unsure about how stable our relationship was and pushed him away.
Although we knew we wanted our baby we decided our only choice was to have an abortion. Deep down I think we both probably knew we were making a mistake but we were scared and knew we could not give our baby the best. From making the decision to the procedure was a blur; everything moved so quickly. It caused us both considerable grief and a lot of pain and we would give anything to change the decision we made. My advice to anyone in this situation is to seek as much support as you can and listen to your heart. If possible make sure you and your partner talk and say how you are really feeling. Although this is a scary time, there are people who will support you and will do so whatever your decision.
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story…It sounds as if you were swept along by the circumstances you were in and, as you say, didn’t really have the courage to talk honestly and openly with one another about your deeper feelings. It’s still a fairly short time after your experience and I wonder if you have had the opportunity to talk this through with someone who understands the head and heart issues involved. If not, do contact your nearest centre to find out about The Journey recovery programme.