I’m due to have a termination at the end of this week.

By anonymous on 19/11/2008
I’m due to have a termination at the end of this week. I have never felt so scared or unsure of anything in my life. Everyone around me is telling me I’m doing it for the right reasons. I don’t want to wake up anymore, I’ve had enough of how I feel and I’m scared I wont cope. My ex doesn’t want anything to do with me and the baby, and I was somewhat coerced into making the decision to have a termination to keep him from my life. He is a nasty character and I’m not sure, if I kept it, that he would still stand by his views of not wanting it, and I don’t want to be tied to him for the rest of my life.

As each day goes past, I am more and more scared that I’m doing the wrong thing. I’m not coping and have started drinking, smoking and stuff again (having given up when I decided I was going to keep it) to get away from how I am feeling, and I now know that I don’t really have an option as I have probably done it a lot of damage. I’m becoming a person I don’t know anymore. I can’t get through a day without crying, nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel helpless and a failure and that I have let this baby down. I’ve always longer for children, and now I’m about to terminate this I feel so guilty and hopeless. I’ve tried talking to people, those around me say I can’t keep it, for the reasons above. I’ve never felt so alone in all my life. I wish I had found this site sooner.

Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…My concern for you is that you are deeply ambivalent – in two minds - about this decision for abortion. It sounds as if your head is telling you all the logical reasons why you should not have this baby, given your circumstances, but your heart is saying just the opposite. You heart is towards this baby, and it’s very important that you pay attention to your heart if it is causing you to struggle with this decision. I strongly recommend that you take more time to decide. It sounds as if you need more time to listen to your conscience, your instinct and your beliefs at the moment, rather than just the pressure of circumstances. Have you taken advice about the implications of alcohol and/or drug taking? Don’t assume you know – find out for sure. You seem already emotionally upset – even disturbed by – the thought of an abortion and this means you may struggle even more afterwards. Remember, that even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are in a position of power to choose now. Choosing to keep your baby is not impossible and you can make it through with the pregnancy, despite the father’s attitude and your fear of being tied. It’s very important that you talk this through as soon as possible with someone. Ring the helpline – it’s easy, it’s confidential and it’s kind. We’ll be thinking of you. Let us know how you get on.

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