I'm 42 years old and had an abortion last week...

I'm 42 years old and had an abortion last week. I was 7 weeks pregnant. I had no counselling. I thought it was the right thing to do, given my age. Also, we have three children all in school and thought it would be too hard on them to cope with. Really, we didn't want our life disrupted and I felt really ill and thought that probably I would miscarry or that there would be something wrong with the baby. I didn't even have a scan. It wasn't until I was on the table being examined that I realised that I was having a baby. All I'd thought about before was getting my period to restart. On that table, I froze. I couldn't say anything. I looked at my husband to stop it but he did nothing. It was over so quickly. Now, I can't sleep unless I drink a bottle of wine. I can't eat, and find it difficult to do anything. It's like I'm in a daze. I wish I hadn't done it, wish I'd talked to someone. My kids would have had a happier mum if I'd kept their sibling. My husband thinks we did the right thing. I don't think I'll ever get over it. Editor's note: Some women do tell us that, at the crucial time, they want someone to intervene and say, 'we're going home', but it doesn't happen. Somehow we lose our voices just when we need them. I know there is support for you to help you relate to this experience in the best way possible. Please contact your nearest centre, talk to a helpline advisor or go onto Online Advisor. There is a door of hope for you. Thank you for telling us your story.

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