I couldn't decide if I wanted to keep my baby or not, but I ended up having a termination

By anonymous on 08/01/2009
I couldn't decide if I wanted to keep my baby or not, but I ended up having a termination - I just thought about having it done and getting on with my life but I feel so bad about what I've done and don't understand how I could have done such a thing. I both wanted the baby and didn't want the baby. I don't know why I didn't make the right decision - if I had made the right decision surely I would not be hurting so much, missing and wanting my baby back. The pain is unbearable I just want to be with my baby. I made a big mistake and now I see pregnant women and mothers with their children everywhere and I think about how lucky they are and stupid I was. Is this my life now filled with pain and sadness? I just feel I was selfish and didn't give my baby a chance.

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing how you are feeling with us…Indecision about what to do about an unplanned pregnancy usually means there are hidden feelings underneath that need to be heard and taken into consideration. It sounds as if you, along with many women, felt the pressure of circumstances and yet felt there was something positive about being pregnant. In other words, your head was telling you one thing, but your heart, at a deeper level, was telling you something else. What’s important now is that you take care of yourself. It’s not uncommon for women to feel the way you do – the sense of loss, grief, regret – but this does not have to stay as it is. I suggest you make contact with your nearest centre for post-abortion support, or use Online Advisor if there is no centre nearby. There is hope. We’ll be thinking of you.

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