Hi. I am 27 years old. I had an abortion two weeks ago.
By anonymous on 16/01/2009
Hi. I am 27 years old. I had an abortion two weeks ago. I was 13 weeks pregnant and it was my first pregnancy. I suffer from PCOS, which naturally makes it difficult for me to conceive. With my ex partner, we had regular intercourse and I never got pregnant. I mean even though we didn't plan, we knew the chances were small, but if it happened I would have kept the baby. This time I got pregnant because of unprotected sex. But I am not in love with the person. I don't want to have family life with him and giving the baby away wasn't what I wanted. My reasons were so selfish and I went and did the abortion in my 13th week even though he said he would keep the baby and raise it. I just didn't give in to him. I cried and cried and cried. All this time it was hell. These two days I have started to feel I am recovering slowly. I didn't have a nightmare for the first time and I feel I can laugh a bit.
I regret my decision. But whatever my reason was telling me, I never thought much of my natural problem with conceiving. Now I am afraid that, in the future, I will not be able to conceive because of the abortion, and because the PCOS is always with me. I read but I haven’t found many women with this condition who have gone through the process of abortion. If there is someone to tell me what are the chances are of getting pregnant again I would appreciate it.
My abortion cost me my emotional stability. It lasts. It is different from what I expected... I really convinced myself (with the help of others too) that I have only some molecules, or cells inside of me, not a baby. It was life. This is important. Life that I didn’t have 'enough' reasonable reasons to take it away. I need to live with this in the future. And I keep thinking what if... It scares me the idea that this poor life was my only chance for a baby. What if..? Always! I know many women can be confused, especially teenagers, people who have no support from their partners etc. But what about us who had the support and still did it? Do we lack conscience?
I still cry but I am starting to reflect differently on things and to accept that this reality is what I have. I need to keep in mind that the realities that come are dependent on me.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…It sounds as if you felt pressure to have an abortion because you didn’t want to be with the father, yet now your heart is in pain with a sense of loss and guilt. It’s still ‘early days’ for you, although you feel slightly better about things, but you may benefit from talking it through with someone who understands. Why not visit your nearest centre for some post-abortion support, which will help you work through your feelings of regret and guilt and help you find a way of relating to this in a healthy way.
