It all started when I didn’t come on my period and my closest friend and I went down to get a pregnancy test.

By anonymous on 17/02/2009
It all started when I didn’t come on my period and my closest friend and I went down to get a pregnancy test. I plucked up the courage to do the test and it came up positive! For some reason I got really excited and it was like wow! I can’t believe I’m pregnant -like there's something inside of you! But as the night dragged on I was thinking, ‘How am I going to tell my mum because I’m only 16! And how am I going to tell my boyfriend?’ I mean I’ve been in the relationship for two years so I thought he would be ok with it!

I walked into my house that night, nervous, and ran upstairs shaking! I didn’t sleep much. I was still in denial that I was pregnant and putting my hand on my stomach. I got this really good feeling! It was about 4am and my mum was up for work so I went downstairs to get a drink and thought now I’ve got to tell her! She knew something was up because she asked why I was up so early! So I said, ‘Mum, I’ve got something to tell you,’ and I said, ‘Please don’t shout at me. I really need your help!’ I said in a nervous and scared voice, ‘I’m pregnant!’ and she said, ‘What?’ so I got the pregnancy test from upstairs and as soon as I showed her, she said, ‘You ain’t going to school today! I’m taking you to the doctors! She didn’t say much and didn’t talk to me much! I asked her if she was ashamed of me! And she said no, not ashamed, just disappointed! I couldn’t say anything to that! But I explained to my mum that I was careful. Even though the condom broke, I took the "Morning After Pill".

As we got to the doctor’s I said to my mum, ‘Will you come in?’ and she said no, so I went in nervously and said, ‘Right, I took a home pregnancy test and it came up positive’ and she said ok, took my dates to work out when I was due for my period and said I was 5 weeks gone! I felt so shocked! And everything just felt as if it was a blur! She asked me what I wanted to do and I said to get rid of it and at the time it felt right! So she signed the abortion form. All I needed was another doctor’s signature so she booked me an appointment to take the first tablet at the local hospital! During that time I told my boyfriend and he got angry and violent towards me and said, ‘You are going to get rid of it!’ He was threatening me! He said it’s me or the baby! So he was making me choose and I broke down in tears with these mixed emotions I was getting! I thought I knew him but I obviously didn’t! It really did put our relationship to the test! But I really did love him and I would have done anything for him!

As the appointment at the hospital was coming closer my boyfriend and I were arguing and he was getting violent! I couldn’t cope so my definite decision was to have the termination! I thought at the end of it, and through it, he would be there! But as my appointment was a day away he wouldn’t answer his phone! He didn’t even turn up even though I texted him the time and what ward I was in! I was so upset! But my mum was there for me! As they were going to get the first tablet they put the jug of water in front of me and I burst out crying! My mum said, ‘You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to! And I screamed, ‘No, I have to do this!’ My mum knew I wasn’t doing it for myself but for my boyfriend! She picked me up from the chair and said come on! So I walked out! I couldn’t do it!

Six weeks later I was still making my mind up at what I wanted And I went through the abortion. No sign of my boyfriend. I thought, ‘Yes, he will walk through those doors but he didn’t! And I felt so ill and I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die! The nurses were in and out; they were very nice! And my mum was very supportive! I don’t know what I would have done without her! But I regret doing it! My boyfriend beat me to death but all I can say is it’s your choice. Please don’t let anyone push you into something that you don’t want to do! I am no longer with my boyfriend. He is now with a new girlfriend; he was cheating on me whilst I was pregnant! And now I’m trying to move on! And I wish you the best and thank you for reading my story!

Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…it sounds as if you paid a high price in the hope of keeping your relationship with your boyfriend. There are many reasons why men don’t support their partners in a pregnancy, but it’s not uncommon for a woman to feel forced to choose between her relationship and her baby. All too often, the woman loses both and regrets it. If you find it difficult to be with your emotions after this experience, you can visit your nearest centre for some post-abortion support. Just get in touch.

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