I then made the shocking mistake of having sex with my boyfriend, less than 12 hours after my procedure.
I had the pessary inserted and started to feel light cramps. As I lay waiting to be put under, I had a sudden wave of fear and I felt evil and that I should be punished, not this six week old foetus inside me. I came round in the recovery area and there was a young girl in the bed next to me. We just looked at each other and smiled that smile, the 'I know' kind of smile. I went home that night and I bundled myself up on the settee with my duvet. My parents had gone out shopping and I remember sitting there crying my eyes out. I'd just gone through this life changing experience and they went out food shopping, I was hurt, so so hurt.
When they arrived home, my Dad went to pick up my boyfriend and he came to sit with me. At this point I was feeling very sick and I remember him going on about the food my parents had cooked...so childish of him and, honestly, I just wanted to give him a clout! I didn't fully understand the do's and don'ts of afterwards as when the nurse was talking to me, I just wasn't taking anything in. Everything sounded as if I was under water! I then made the shocking mistake of having sex with my boyfriend, less than 12 hours after my procedure. I know now that having sex straight afterwards is a definite DON'T!
Over the weekend I felt fine, a little sick now and again but nothing I could complain about. My bleeding was light and we decided to go out to the club that our friends and we all went to on a Monday night. I felt a little strange as I was getting ready but pushed on and got on with things. I arrived at my boyfriend’s, where we always left from on a Monday due to the train station being close. I think we were watching TV in his room and I stood up to get something from my bag. I felt a gush and then something running down my leg. I ran to the toilet and I was bleeding heavily. I thought nothing of it, but I asked my Mum if she would bring me some clean underwear. I told her why and she thought I should come straight home. I rubbished the idea until I started getting pains. I felt hot behind my eyes, didn't feel clever at all.
My Mum picked me up and we went straight to the hospital. I was seen straight away. I was taken into a side room and given something to reduce my temperature. Little did I know that on walking through the waiting room in A&E, I'd left a blood trail! I was then wheeled down to another part of the hospital and given an internal. I had some blood taken from the back of my right hand by the biggest instrument I've ever seen in my life and, oh, it hurt like hell! Turns out I'd got an infection. I thought this was because they'd left some of the pregnancy inside me, but I didn't have to have a D+C so I'd put it down to the fact that my boyfriend and I had sex almost straight away after my termination. I was in hospital for 5 days and felt deathly for a long while afterwards.
My boyfriend and I stayed together for another five months after this until I became depressed and threw myself head first into drinking. Not long after this, I lost my job which didn't help my depression one bit. I went right off the rails for quite some time. It was my way of dealing with it. I found it hard to talk to my Mum and that was something I really needed. I'm 26 now and I still find the whole thing hard to overcome.
I've since had my little girl who is wonderful, a true blessing. Thinking back, I know it was the right thing to do. I was just young enough and silly enough not to worry about the do's and don'ts, so that made the whole situation a lot more difficult to deal with. I think any woman who undergoes such a procedure, surgical or medical, should be hailed - as these are not easy decisions to make and, ladies of CareConfidential, I think you're brilliant for being so strong in yourselves!
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…your comment at the end about how much you still find your abortion experience hard to overcome suggests that there is still some recovery available to you, if you’d like to pursue it.
Perhaps it would help you to think about exactly what is still difficult for you? Maybe some support could focus more purposefully in those areas for you and help you find greater freedom to be yourself. You don’t say what help you have received so far, but if you are in the process of receiving support, we wish you well.