In a rush decision, I had an abortion, which I totally regret.

I am a single parent of 2 children age 7 and 9. I have been separated for approx 5 years and found a lovely man who I love very much. He is eight years my junior and has no children of his own. We had only being seeing each other for a couple of months and he moved away from the town that I stay in to find a better job. We decided to keep seeing each other. He came to visit once a month as, at the time, that was all he could afford. Then he started coming every 2 weeks. We attended a company function, one thing led to another and we did not use contraception and I became pregnant. Total shock, as it was not planned. In a rush decision, I had an abortion, which I totally regret. I feel deep sadness, have been having nightmares, have been drinking more than ever, and have turned into a real nasty person, blaming him for everything as well as putting myself down and not feeling very good about myself. Our relationship is near its end, if not at an end. He cannot take anymore of the nasty me and I cannot take much more either. He is a kind man, got on very well with the children I already have, but I feel so much of a loss knowing what that feeling is to give birth and seeing just what you can bring into this world. Maybe that is the problem. He has had no children and I feel he does not know what he has missed out on. He can be selfish, as all men can be, but I feel the decision that was made, was more made towards his lifestyle than my own. I am at my wit’s end. I don’t know if the relationship is worth still working on. I don’t know if I will ever get over what I did. I feel cheap, horrible and not a very nice person. Editor's note: Thanks for telling us your story. The feelings you describe, as you've probably read from other stories, are really quite familiar to many women after an abortion. That doesn't make them any less difficult to deal with, but it does mean that there are people who understand exactly what you are are experiencing. The most common feelings of loss, sadness, regret and guilt - and subsequent lack of self-worth - don't have to run your life. There is a way through. And that means there is hope for you and your partner to work this out together if you want to. Have courage now to ring the helpline and talk confidentially to someone who understands.

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