All in all, I'm upset about what we've done, who wouldn't be? But this was what was right for us right now.
Yesterday morning I had a Surgical TOP. I was 9 weeks pregnant. I arrived at the Day Surgery Unit for 7am. There were a couple of other girls there. One I knew was married and with her husband; another was 15 and with her Mum. There were two other girls also there and, as I sat in the waiting room with my boyfriend, I filled out the registration form, my hands shaking uncontrollably. As my name was called, I got up and walked through with the nurse (quite severe she was too!) We were shown to our beds and more questions were asked, forms filled in. I was given my admittance band and told to get changed as I was first in and the surgeon would be round to have a chat soon. From then, everything just seemed to happen so quickly and in a bit of a blur. I spoke with the surgeon and the anaesthetist who were both lovely and put me right at ease.
The surgeon said that if I was nine weeks, he wouldn't expect much in the way of bleeding after the procedure (and he's been right so far!) I was wheeled through at 0845, hooked up to an ECG and some other monitors to check my breathing/oxygen etc as the procedure was carried out. I was then given something through my canular which made me feel really relaxed, a bit like having a glass of wine just before bed, lovely stuff! Then I was told I'd be given something to send me off to sleep, and off I went. Whilst under, they popped an antibiotic suppository up my bum which would help fight any possible infections, glad I was asleep when they did that :) Minutes later (or so it felt), I woke up in the recovery room with a male nurse who'd been sat with me checking my stats etc every five minutes. He was lovely, asked me how I felt, assured me that the procedure had gone perfectly well and then wheeled me back through to the ward.
The nurses were fantastic and although I was very upset once the drugs wore off and it had sunk in what I'd done - they were nothing but wonderful. I was given some water, then a coffee and a sandwich, I tried my best with the sandwich but felt quite sick after the anaesthetic, so they gave me an anti-sickness medicine through my canular and told me to just get as much fluid in me as I could once I left, if I still couldn't eat.
I was the only girl out of the lot of us that opted for counselling and I've been given a number to call today. It's something that I feel will really help me, especially as all the way through this, all I've heard from people is, "Oh, I know how you must be feeling..." Well, now it's all over and my baby is no longer with me. Only *I* know how I'm feeling and, even though it's all still new, I know that I'd be best talking to someone who I'm not going to hurt by saying something I really feel, rather than keeping it all inside so that it's not always brought up when I feel down about it.
I was sent home with a week long course of antibiotics which put my mind at ease after reading about infections and I also had the depo provera jab just before I left. Since my boyfriend and I got home yesterday afternoon, I've been ravenous, literally haven't stopped eating, which I feel is a good sign - I'd not eaten properly in weeks. He made sure that we had our favourite foods in and plenty of films to watch. We snuggled up on the sofa and I've only just got up to write this! He's been wonderful.
All in all, I'm upset about what we've done, who wouldn't be? But this was what was right for us right now. We have our careers ahead of us and we know that when the time is right, we can have our baby. I just hope that this helps anyone else worried about going for a surgical termination. If it's the right thing for you, then do not worry - you're in safe hands!
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…it sounds as if you have made this decision with your head, based on what you want for your future, and have taken comfort in the fact that the future you planned for yourselves is still intact. However, it does seem from your story as if there is another part of you - your heart - that is upset about having ended the pregnancy, and that part has yet to express how it really feels. It will probably be beneficial for you to have a safe place to share your feelings as they surface, and work through them honestly to resolve them. If you don’t feel you want to take advantage of the counselling offered by the abortion provider, then you can call our helpline to find out what else is on offer if you wish.
This story was sent in on 27/07/2009
I went for the scan myself, waited three hours and when the nurse told me it was twins, I felt my heart die right there and then. Something inside just left me.