I can’t believe I chose at 15 to give my baby a life and, at 27, I chose to kill my other baby.

I had an abortion five days ago and cannot forgive myself. I already have a son who is 12. I had him at 15 and went against all my family who wanted me to have an abortion. I can’t believe I chose at 15 to give my baby a life and, at 27, I chose to kill my other baby. I don’t have a very good life. I am in debt, very depressed and my partner is an alcoholic. The reason I chose abortion is because I didn’t want to bring my baby into the life I have now. It is the most gutless decision I’ve ever made; I hate myself and I hate my partner for putting me in this position. I just don’t know what to do. Editor’s note: Thanks for writing in…I wonder if, at the age of 15, you were able to look past your circumstances and connect with your heart feelings for your baby. Those feelings may have given you the courage to go against the tide and choose what you wanted. Now at 27, you have a more adult idea of reality – the pressure of your circumstances may have seemed greater and more negative, submerging any positive feelings you may have had about this pregnancy. You thought you were making the best decision you could at the time. Sadly, in hindsight, your heart feels the pain of loss, regret, guilt and anger. It could help you to get in touch with your nearest centre and ask for some post-abortion support. It might just be that, as you find healing from the emotions you are now experiencing, that you find the energy and insight you need to begin to change your world – to get out of debt, and to come out from depression. It is possible. Get in touch. We’ll be thinking of you.

This story was sent in on 30/07/2009

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