I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I hadn’t planned it, and as soon as I found out, he told me it was either him or the baby.

I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I hadn’t planned it, and as soon as I found out, he told me it was either him or the baby. He was my first love and I couldn’t let him go, so I confided in my mum and we made the decision to abort it. Everything all happened so quickly. I was at Bournemouth clinic on Tuesday having a scan and by Friday I was booked in for my abortion, 9:30am. I was having a vacuum abortion, which meant I went under general anaesthetic. Before I went under, I wasn’t even scared. I didn’t even think twice about what I was doing. I just did it. However, the second I woke up, it hit me. I’d just killed my baby. I burst out crying, and was sick. And still to this day, I hate myself for what I’ve done. My boyfriend and I split up a few months afterwards, and I’ve never properly grieved about it until now. I would do anything to turn back time and keep my baby. I may have not been able to be the best mum in the world, but I had family who were prepared to support me, and I threw it all away for one stupid guy I loved. Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…The meaning of abortion can hit home after the event, especially when you have very good reasons to get out urgently from under the pressures that make a pregnancy difficult. It all makes sense until afterwards for many women. To have to face that ultimatum, to have to make that choice between the relationship and the pregnancy, can be very difficult. What our partners want can be very persuasive. Many who choose the relationship end up losing both, because the relationship is often not strong enough to carry the tension that results afterwards. For you, it’s time to grieve your loss and rebuild. Visiting your nearest centre for some post-abortion support may help you to understand why you feel the way you do and to come to terms with your losses.

This story was sent in on 17/08/2009

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