In May, I started a fling with my next door neighbour. It lasted six weeks, and I really thought I was falling for him.
My experience today was over fairly quickly. I was scared I would be in agonising pain. The worst part for me was being examined after it was all over. Anyway, this is my story - it might be a bit long but I feel I need to get it out my system. I hope it helps someone out there.
I had had a pretty tough year last year. I gave birth to my son last September and my relationship with his father completely broke down. I’m a single mum and life is pretty tough but we manage with lots of support from my mum. This summer slowly came round, all the dust had started to settle and I was feeling so much better. In May, I started a fling with my next door neighbour. It lasted six weeks, and I really thought I was falling for him. I was so bowled over by him I lost all common sense and we had unprotected sex several times. We were both to blame, and we were both really stupid. Anyway, a few weeks on and alarm bells started to ring when my period didn’t arrive. Since the birth of my son they had been fairly irregular anyway so for a while I just put it down to that. By the time I took a pregnancy test I already knew what the result was going to be. I felt pregnant, and I was having strange dreams like I did when I was with my son.
I told my neighbour and he told me there was no way I could continue with the pregnancy and he was really quite harsh on the matter. I was in tears and he told me to "stop acting like a 27 year old" whatever that was supposed to mean. I wanted to hit him - who the hell did he think he was?! He’s older than me and therefore he felt he had the right to talk down to me. He had the cheek to blame all of this on me. He really wasn’t the man I thought he was, and he was so cold towards me that I cried. From that moment I knew I was on my own with this.
I went to the clinic soon after and they took another pregnancy test. It came back negative! I was told to return to the clinic the following week with an early morning wee sample so they could test me again. My first mistake was not going back to the clinic the next week. I just put it all to the back of my mind and got on with things. I think it must have been at least three or four weeks before I went back with still no sign of my period. I was told it was positive and my heart sank. I told the doctor straight away. I had to book myself in for a termination. There was no other choice. I’m a single mum of an 11 month old on benefits and only just get by on the money I receive each week. My son deserves all my love and attention and not to mention that I once again would find myself without a partner to support me.
It was last Monday that I first went to the clinic. I was scanned, had swabs taken, was weighed, had my blood pressure taken and blood from my arm. I was given the option of having either a medical or surgical termination, and was told if I wanted the surgical option I would have to wait a further two weeks. I chose the medical as I wanted this whole ordeal to be over with as soon as possible. The procedure was explained to me, and I was told to go to the hospital for the first pill that Saturday, and I went a long and felt no side effects. I was due back in for the final part or the termination two days later (today). The next two days just dragged on forever, and by this morning I was shaking with nerves. I think I spent all my spare moments on the internet googling information on medical terminations, adding to my fear of the pain that lay ahead. This morning finally arrived.
My mum dropped me out side the front of the hospital and gave me a hug. I stopped and had a cigarette steeling myself for the ordeal ahead of me. Then I made my way up to the ward, was shown to my bed and told to get changed into something more comfortable and that soon after they would begin my treatment. There were three other ladies on my ward in for exactly the same thing. I quickly got changed and then soon after the nurse came see me. I was emotional and shed a few tears and she asked me if I was sure of my decision. I told her briefly my reasons why I was doing this and said we have to go ahead - I was doing this for my son. She quickly inserted four tablets inside me and a pain killer in my backside and told me to stay on my bed for an hour while the tablets dissolved inside me.
During that hour, I was in tears. I couldn’t concentrate on the books or magazines I had brought with me. I remember reading on these website people’s recommendations to drink plenty of water as it really helps move things along. I drank a full jug of water in less than an hour and when I buzzed for the nurse to bring me another she laughed and asked if I was a big drinker. I said no, but I had read on the internet that drinking lots of water helps! She laughed at me! Well I soon proved her wrong! The pain was bearable, with the help of more painkillers and I can only describe it as having a tummy ache and really needing to go for a poo! When my hour was up I went to the toilet. My bladder felt like it was going to explode having drunk all that water. I placed one of the cardboard pans inside the toilet and let myself wee, and I felt something fall out of me. I hopped off the toilet and didn’t allow myself to look and pulled the cord for the nurse to come and take the contents away. She told me to go back to my bed, saying it looked like it was just blood. Minutes later, the nurse came to my bed and told me I had already passed the foetus and that it was nearly over. I felt slightly sick and burst into tears.
I laid on the hospital bed and gradually pulled myself together. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible and resumed my mission of drinking as much water as I could possibly manage. I went to the toilet a few more times passing clots or whatever it was (I didn’t look! That’s the only way to get through it!) By 12:30, I was told I had passed all they needed to see but had to wait till 2 o’clock till I was finally examined. This for me was the worst part. I was bleeding quite heavily and I think she pulled out some fairly large pieces of remaining tissue. I was told I could go home soon after. I was the first person on my ward to be allowed home. It’s now the evening and to be honest I just feel drained and really tired. I honestly just want to forget this ever happened.
I'm not in too much pain and my bleeding has slowed down and it now just feels like a heavy period. I just want anyone to know who is about to undergo a medical termination it won’t be all that bad. Drink lots of water. Honest to God, it helps. Don’t look when you go to the toilet, and take any pain relief that’s on offer. You'll get through it. I know I want more children one day. I love kids. I just want to do things the right way next time with a partner who is with me all the way and that actually wants to have children with me. I did the right thing. Life has to go on as normal now, and things have to change only for the better. I think its time I had a bit of luck on my side. Thank you for reading x
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story…The circumstances of your pregnancy made it very difficult to consider having a baby, and you made a head decision, knowing that your heart had something to say about it as well. It was a straightforward physical procedure for you, but it sounds as if it was not an easy decision from your heart’s perspective. You may feel some relief now, but if you ever feel that you have other emotions surfacing related to your abortion, please do get in touch for some support.