The doctor took several blood tests and it turned out that I had German measles and the doctor explained how dangerous it was for both me and my baby.
At the early stages of pregnancy, I broke out in a rash all over my body. It was everywhere and so red. The doctor took several blood tests and it turned out that I had German measles and the doctor explained how dangerous it was for both me and my baby. He told me he was having a conference with some of the senior doctors at the surgery and invited us to come down for a talk after the surgery closed for the evening. They recommended that I have a termination and showed us all sorts of books with what our baby, if it survived, could look like and what deformities it would probably have. He also stressed the effect it would have on me as a young mother.
I was so young, I was already a Christian and I didn't know what to do. I didn't really understand what was meant by "rubella". I asked several people for advice and all of them advised me to listen to the doctor. So we decided to have the termination. I sometimes wonder why I was given that advice but I know I wasn't forced, just strongly advised, and it was our own decision in the end. We tried again for another baby and I had a miscarriage. I thought I was being punished for what I had done to my first baby. I now know that wasn't the case at all. I also had a threatened miscarriage with my eldest child but she was born fit and healthy.
I know my termination was on medical advice but I still went through all the grieving, loss and guilt and I beat myself up for 28 years. Then I heard about the Pregnancy Crisis Centre in Glasgow and I started on "The Journey" with the help and support of a wonderful counsellor who was understanding, patient, non-judgemental and let me express myself in a safe environment going at my own pace and with full confidentiality.
The Journey has brought me peace, understanding and healing and I now have a desire to use my story to help others who are perhaps going through a similar experience. What I want to do is to encourage others to reach out and take the help and counselling that is available. You don't have to wait for 28 years like I did. At times, I wish I had done this a long time ago, but I wasn't aware of any counselling being available to me back then and I believe that God's timing is perfect and it was all done in His time.
Editor’s note: Thank you for sharing your story…You were in a no-win situation then, weren’t you? It’s wonderful to hear that you have come through to a place of healing after such a long time, being able to let go of guilt and shame, grief and loss. Your story will let others know that there is hope and healing available – thank you for sharing it.