I was so scared and had lots of thoughts in my head about not being ready for fatherhood and stuff...By anonymous on 25/08/2009
At the start of the year I got together with the most amazing girl I could ever have imagined. She was everything I looked for in a girl. We clicked straight away and fell for each other in a big way. We were so close and everything was amazing, then two months into our relationship we found out that she was pregnant with her second child. This would have been my first.
We were both totally shell shocked as you could imagine. I was so scared and had lots of thoughts in my head about not being ready for fatherhood and stuff and she was scared because, well, to be honest, we hardly knew each other and there were a few other worries here and there. We came to a swift decision to abort without really thinking about things thoroughly. After the first appointment, when she took the tablets, she hit me with the devastating news that she could never be the same with me again and that we should break up. I was absolutely devastated; my life was falling to pieces around me.
She let me accompany her to the hospital for the actual abortion which was the worst thing I have ever been through and I don't think any experience in life could compare to that day. We decided to try and stay friends but soon after the cracks appeared mainly because I could not let her go. I begged her to take me back and, to be honest, I hit rock bottom. I contemplated suicide – everything. I then managed to become so depressed and angry that I started to really hate her and fell out with her in a big way. At this moment in time we are no longer friends which really hurts even more. I have sorted my life out now and I am really trying to make my peace with her.
I would just like to say to anyone reading this that before you make your decision please please have a good think, not just about the short term consequences, but also that this is something that will be with you for the rest of your life. Sure you may come to terms with it but you will never really get over it. There will be small reminders every day. I know everybody’s circumstances are different but I regret letting her go through with it as I am sure if was certain I wanted to keep it then we would still be together now and I would be looking forward to being a dad in November. I should have taken responsibility for my actions and as a man of 26 I should have known better. Hope this helps somebody.
Editor’s note: Thanks for sharing your story with us…You don’t say exactly what reason your girlfriend gave for ending your relationship, although you seem to imply that the abortion was at the root of it. From experience, women facing an unplanned pregnancy often rely on their partner’s support of the pregnancy in order to continue with it. They often want their partner to support both herself and the child together, something which men often don’t feel they can do for a variety of reasons, legitimate or not. All too often, women are left making a terrible choice between the relationship and the baby.
It’s possible that your fear of fatherhood and your hesitation was construed as rejection and lack of support in her mind, leading to her desire to end the relationship. Sadly, though, it may also be that she used this occasion to end the relationship for other reasons. It may help you to visit your nearest pregnancy centre – men are very welcome – to talk through what’s happened and to understand more of how a termination can affect relationships.