Six months ago, my husband and I decided to end a pregnancy at 5 weeks...
By anonymous on 11/01/2007Six months ago, my husband and I decided to end a pregnancy at 5 weeks. We've only been married a month and a half. I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant, but he was very upset and angry, yelling and saying terrible things. I felt very pressured and confused but I went through with it anyway because I loved him so much and wanted him to be happy.
Since it was so early on (5 weeks), I took the medication to end my pregnancy. I now know that this was an awful mistake. Our relationship is in a shambles. I love him but hate him at the same time. I am so depressed, guilty and angry at myself and at him. I thought that as time passed, I would start feeling better. But it seems as time passes I feel worse, especially now that my due date is approaching, March 18.
My family and his family are Catholic and we haven't told anyone. I guess that is why I feel so alone. I have no one to talk to. If I try to talk to him about it, he quickly changes the subject. I am a nurse and I work in the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit), so it is especially difficult to see and care for babies all day, as it is a constant reminder.
Of course, I went to confession and thought it would help to but it hasn't. What the priest said really stayed with me (that I will carry a cross all my life...). Please help.
Editor’s note: I am so glad you have shared your story and asked for help – it is so sad to hear of the pain you are in. The combination of everything – the fact that the due date is near; you work with such tiny babies; you were under so much pressure to have an abortion but you felt so positive about the pregnancy; you felt you had to go through with it to keep your relationship intact but now it’s struggling even more; you feel such strong negative emotions and you’re not really sure you can cope with them; and underneath all that you have a faith that doesn’t seem to be helping much at the moment.
I know for a fact that there is very real help available for you. First of all you need someone who understands what you're feeling right now and who you can talk to freely about your abortion. Secondly, there is ‘The Journey’ recovery programme, which helps women on a one-to-one basis through the emotions of grief, guilt and anger, depression, through to understanding and experiencing true forgiveness and healing. It can be inclusive of your faith too. I want to encourage you to contact your nearest centre, the helpline or Online Advisor to talk to someone about what’s available for you. We’ll be thinking of you.