I am 17 and I had a medical abortion
I eventually got the nerve to tell my Mum about being pregnant,and that I was frightened and knew that because of my Dad being a muslim...I wasn't able to keep the baby. She discussed it with me, and at first I thought she was supportive but it progressively showed that she was forcing the decision on me. The option of keeping my baby wasn't there, and abortion was my only option. All I heard from her and my 19 year old brother was 'you're ruining your life, you're stupid,naive,immature...you can't do this you can't do that'. Who were they to say what I could and couldn't do?! I knew myself I wasn't 100% about having an abortion or even keeping the baby, but I knew myself that I'd regret the abortion massively. So anyway, the days were looming towards the day of the appointment to get the termination and I was living in a daydream constantly. Any time I felt any pain in my tummy, I'd hold onto it thinking 'what's wrong with my baby'! It was surreal knowing I had a life growing inside of me and it was developing fast. Everyday my Mum would tell me I was going to make the right decision, having the baby wasn't an option but she didnt 'want to force it on me'. I couldn't get the courage to say 'yes you are!'.
The day of the AbortionThe wednesday arrived. I was in the car on the way to the hospital...I knew I was going to kill my baby. I tried to avoid the thoughts but I couldn't help it. So I got a leaflet, read it and got taken for my scan. The baby was too small to be seen by a normal ultrasound, so I had to have a internal scan done and I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. I wanted to see the baby, but she never offered me and I felt uncomfortable to ask. I completely regret this decision...I wanted to see the life growing inside of me. I talked to my Mum in the waiting room after this, saying that I wanted to keep the baby and I'd go to university by deferring for a year, and my boyfriend would look after him or her while I was at university. I got this thrown in my face. I was told I was stupid and immature and it's my decision BUT she won't be there to pick up the pieces and she doesn't want me having it. I had 4 people against me ; my Mum,brother,Auntie and my Dad even though he never knew about it.
I got a Medical AbortionBecause I was so early, I got a medical abortion meaning a tablet on one day then 4 tablets inserted inside me the day after to finalise the abortion. I'm currently writing this on the first tablet, so the baby is not completely gone yet...but I know there's no going back. If I don't go through with it, the baby could be severely deformed if I changed my mind.
I tried to talk to my Mum tonight about how I felt , that I felt FORCED into having this abortion and she is just making it all about her. "You're affecting everyone else, you don't see it's not just about you, I think this is the best thing for you ... I this I that". My own mother wanted me to go through the horrendous ordeal of an abortion and did not explore the option AT ALL of me keeping this potential life...my beautiful baby to be.
For all the girls reading this ; please please please don't let anyone sway your decision! This is your choice! If you choose to keep the baby and have no support, call a counsellor! The abortion can sometimes be harder to deal with emotionally rather than going through with the pregnancy itself. I honestly wish I'd had the guts to stand up to everyone and say NO I want to keep MY baby! But I couldn't. I beg you all to not let anyone make the decision for you...don't listen to anyone who says ' I think its the best thing for you' . Nobody knows what's best for you apart from yourself. Well, my Mum has just offically told me she wants nothing to do with me because I told her I felt forced into this, and because I told her a few home truths about how I felt ...she hates me. Girls, don't let this happen to you. Please. Thank you and really think about this decision in-depth.
Editor's CommentI am so sorry that you felt powerless to tell your mother that you really wanted to keep your baby, or at least have the chance to fully explore that option.
At 17 you still feel very dependent on your family,especially if you live at home and are still in education. I can understand how hard it was for you, and you did tell your mother that you were feeling forced into the abortion which is important. Your advice to call a counsellor and get some support is definitely what I would say. It's so important to think through all the options thoroughly and work out what support you would need for each of them. There are always trained advisors on the national helpline 0300 4000 999, and you can follow the link to the web site to check out information, or find a centre for post abortion support in your area.
This story was sent in on 08/02/2010