I'm 41 and 8 weeks pregnant

I'm 41 yo, 8 weeks pregnant. I have two daughters 18 and 20. Divorced for a year July 09, and then my ex passed away last Aug from a Tylenol overdose, we had been married for 22 years... My boyfriend, father of the baby I've been dating on and off for the past 8 months.. I found out I was pregnant last week. I'm so torn about what to do, I work full time, still have my daughters at home, I'm caring for my elderly mother who is also living with me. My relationship with my boyfriend is strained because sometime I really want to be with him vs other times I just want to go back to the life I had before my divorce, which I know I can't do.. so I guess just be alone... Also my boyfriend has two young boys 10 and 8, he has full custody of.. So if we we're to live together...get married..I'd be taking on two small boys as well...Which I don't feel up to doing at this point in my life...

I don't believe in abortion for myself

Yet I don't see how I can bring this baby into the world and care for it, as well as myself and the rest of my family...I'm also affecting my boyfriend's life, and his children. I've spoken with friends who like me don't believe in abortion, and friends who seem to think abortion is a solution to a mistake. I can't seem to be at peace with what decision to make. When I think about having the abortion, I'm so sick inside and hate myself, I see myself emotionally shutting down after the abortion and even adding more guilt to myself... When I picture having the baby, I see myself struggling financially, a baby in day care all day, me being tired and stressed out, and on top of it being 42 when the baby is born...

Is abortion the Answer

It almost seems like the abortion is the answer, as if I'd rather just let go mentally, sink into a depression after the abortion, vs having the baby, and coping with the challenges of being a single working mom at 42!! I'm so thoroughly confused and I know time is closing in on me, I have to make a decision ASAP cause the longer I keep debating, the longer I get attached to being pregnant and having a baby... I was taking contraception but had missed a few, and had been on antibiotics, just wasn't thinking....

Editor's Comment

You are obviously torn in different directions and it sounds very clearly that your head or rational side is telling you one thing, but your heart and instincts are giving you a different message. It is important that you do not betray the person you really are with a decision that is logical but makes you deeply uncomfortable. that is what you will have to live with for the rest of your life, so you need to be sure it won't leave you with logstanding regret. Losing your ex partner of 22 years must have been upsetting even if you were divorced, so I am sure you are still feeling some emotions from that. Please do talk this through with an advisor 0300 4000 999,or follow the link to find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area. There is also an Online counselling service for unplanned pregnancy support.
This story was sent in on 08/02/2010 and it's been viewed 1,311 times.

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