I got pregnant at 17 after being raped
I opted to have a surgical abortion at 11 weeksI didn't believe in abortion and on the day still wasn't 100% I was doing the right thing. Alone on the bed I was scared, thinking, until it was time to go into theatre. When I woke up the first question I asked was is it over. When she said 'yes' I burst into tears. The anaesthetist came running in and explained that it could be a side effect from the drugs, but inside I knew it was because I had made the biggest mistake ever.
Trying to put the abortion behind meAfterwards I tried my best to get on with life, I went to university to study nursing, everything seemed to be back to normal for a while. Inside however I was breaking, guilt was taking over and I grew to hate myself. I became very depressed and attempted suicide. I had to leave university to get better but couldn't get over what I had done. I attempted suicide 5 times in total with overdoses and had to go through intense therapy to finally grieve for my loss and learn to move on from it. I'm now married with 2 lovely children but not a day goes by when I don't think about my first child, he/she would be 6 yrs old now.
Breaking the SilenceNo one tells you about the after effects of abortion. It almost killed me, and if I could turn back the time, my decision would have been to keep the baby. I never want another person to go through what I did because of abortion.
Editor's CommentI was very sad to read your story. Not only did you suffer the horror of rape but then you have had to cope with the pain of an abortion you felt was a mistake. It must have been very hard to be locked into secrecy and silence with the rape, and for your parents to misunderstand what had happened. Rape is a very difficult experience to handle and I am glad you have found happiness in your marriage and children. There is a national helpline 0800 0282228 with trained advisors to help with a crisis like this, or you can access help through a local centre by following this link find a centre for post abortion support in your area. a>
This story was sent in on 08/02/2010