I had an abortion 15 years ago

I had an abortion 15 yrs ago and will have to live with this mistake for the rest of my life.
I was 23 at the time, single and living at home with my mam. My dad had been killed in an accident a year before, which was a very traumatic event and left my mam suffering from depression.

'Get rid of it'

I had a casual relationship with a lad which had gone on for a few years but was never going to be anything more and when I told him he simply told me 'get rid of it'. I was too frightened to tell my mam as I knew she would be disappointed in me and she still does not know to this day. My decision to have an abortion has had massive repercussions on my life as I have been left unable to have children due to an infection I got after a vacume suction at 8 weeks. I have now been with my husband for 14 yr and we would dearly love to have kids but after 4 failed IVF attempts we have given up on having children of our own.

Adoption

We are now considering adoption but it is heart wrenching not being able to give the man you love a child of his own. I believe women do have the right to choose but need to be aware that the physical process is nothing compared to the emotional effects and women should seek counselling before making such a big decision. I see 14 yr old kids now (the age my child would have been)and wonder what my baby would have turned out like.I work in an office full of women who all have babies and older children and almost feel socially excluded as i cannot have what other women have - I am sorry to say I do feel like I killed my baby and am now paying heavily for that mistake

Editor's Comment

People often don't have a chance to fully consider the possible physical and emotional effects of abortion, and for you that has been devastating. I am so sorry that your abortion affected your fertility. It is a very high price to pay for a casual relationship.
I only hope that there will be some restoration for you particularly if you are able to give a family to a child who doesn't have one. It may feel like losing your dream of being natural parents but I believe it can be a wonderful experience.Please contact our helpline if you would like some support through this journey 0300 4000 999,or follow the link to find a centre for adoption support in your area.
This story was sent in on 15/02/2010 and it's been viewed 836 times.

Read more abortion stories

A surgical abortion at the age of 41

Previous

I had an abortion because my partner was violent

Next

Help & support is available

If you're struggling through a situation like that described above, or are being affected by similar issues from your past, no matter how long ago, help is available.

You can get free, sensitive & confidential help at a centre near you. Use these links for:

Got a story to tell?

Relating your story to other people can be very difficult but rewarding.

If you'd like to tell other readers, possibly facing the same problems you did, about your experiences please click the button to:

Tell your story →