I had an abortion because my partner was violent

Hello, I had an abortion two weeks ago. I never believed in abortion, but I felt it was the right thing to do. I had felt I was pregnant, but as I was doubling up on contraceptive pills I never actually thought I could be. I was in a violent relationship where my partner had 5 kids from 3 different mums. He had told me as a child he was sexually abused.
I spoke to someone confidentially as I was concerned that he only had contact with one of his children and even then he's going through the courts to see him. I finally picked up the courage to leave him and then two days before my 25th birthday I took a test as believed I was four days late and it said I was 5 plus weeks pregnant. I felt so disgusted with how my ex had treated me while I had been carrying something so special.

Abuse

The past two months all it had had was abuse from him. I believed, without me knowing, it had been keeping me strong. With his past and trying to do the right thing to protect my baby I had the termination. It has been the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. I am a nanny and have been caring for children for 9 years, and all I've ever wanted is my own baby. I still have dreams I'm pregnant.

Editor's Comment

It is a very tough decision to make when you have been in a violent or abusive relationship. I think that fear often guides your actions which is very sad. It sounded as though you may have wanted to continue your pregnancy if you had felt it was safe to do so. We would love to support you if you feel you need help to get through the experience. We can also give you information to keep you safe if at any time you feel threatened or in danger. Ring the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or contact Online Advisor for a confidential service for post abortion support.

This story was sent in on 15/02/2010

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