I gave my little girl up for adoption
At around 25 weeks I knew I had to do something for my baby, so I walked into the social services offices and told them I wanted to put my baby up for adoption. The lady who I saw was awful, demanded I tell her the names of everyone in my family, whom she would inform about my situation, regardless of the fact that I hadn't spoken to any of my family in years.
I walked out, and if it hadn't been for the baby inside me I would have ended my life right then.Fortunately, a few weeks later, an angel showed up in the form of an incredible social worker, who was kind and not in any way judgemental. She ran through how we would go about adoption, and gave me her number for when I gave birth.
When my daughter came I was completely unprepared for just how much I would love her. However, I felt I had to go through with the adoption as I'd consumed so much of everyone's time, and thought they'd take her anyway for merely suggesting adoption in the first place. I wish I had stood up for myself.
I should have screamed at the top of my voice that I wanted to keep herInstead I was weak and let everything and everyone take over.
I now have 3 beautiful boys, but can't help feeling that I'm being punished for giving my only little girl away. I know I had nothing to offer her but love at the time, yet every day I think about how different my life would be with her in it. Some people think that adoption is an easy option, but I can assure people, its the hardest thing anybody has to do.