Part 1: I was adopted into a loving and secure family 18 years ago when I was 3 weeks old.

I was adopted into a loving and secure family 18 years ago when I was 3 weeks old. I am currently in the process of tracing my birth parents. My feelings about this process are confusing. I was so scared the morning I rang the adoption agency that I was adopted through. However, the women on the phone must have sensed in my voice that I was nervous. She put me at ease, explained the process and reassured me that they would always be there for me throughout my whole experience. However, this does not make the situation any easier. Both my brother and I were adopted into a loving family, with two amazing parents (my brother being 5 years my senior) who were unable to conceive. I have never been in want of anything from them. It is thanks to them I am who I am today - successful in what I do and studying hard for my degree. I'm just so confused. My long term partner has refused to give me the support I need in tracing my birth parents. He feels that, because I won't tell my adoptive parents that I am tracing, he wants no part in 'deceiving them'. Telling them is simply not an option. I feel alone in the process at the moment. I feel confused and scared. Anxious. My mother gave me up thinking it was for the best. I have so much resentment and it is not because I am not appreciative of the life I lead and the life my adoptive parents have given me. I just don't know why hold this resentment. She already had a daughter and then, before she had me, she gave birth to another daughter. She died 3 days later. I feel my mother should have believed she was blessed in having another child when she thought she had a blocked tube. Unfortunately, it would seem that she did not see it that way. I guess I am confused. I don't know what to expect. Has she thought about me every day? Has she told people about me? Will she abandon me a second time if I get in contact? Is she alive? And most importantly, am I doing the right thing in finding out, with the possible consequence of hurting my parents, my brother and my partner? I guess I’m on my own in the process of finding out. I hope no one has to get hurt. I hope I’m doing this for the right reasons. Editor’s Note: You appreciate so much about your loving adoptive parents – all the opportunities they have given you, enabling you to be the person you are now. You write that your birth mother released you for adoption, thinking it was the best and yet you are feeling resentment, which naturally is making you very confused. It is a really big step to search for your roots and many people in your situation feel just the same – so take heart, you’re not alone with these feelings. You seem to be struggling, not with how you were brought up, but with being relinquished by your mother and it might be helpful to try and work through these feelings before going any further, so that you can relate positively to her if and when you do make contact. Things are probably not what they seem...In reality, there is probably more to understand about your birth mother’s heart towards you as well as about her circumstances... The adoption agency should be able to provide counselling and support but if you would like someone else to talk to you could always contact the nearest pregnancy crisis centre to you to see if they can support you through this process. Thank you for sharing your story.

This story was sent in on 15/01/2007

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