We were told that our baby's heart had stopped beating at our 35 week scan

In September 2010 I found out that we were expecting our first baby after being told only a few weeks before that I couldn't have children. We were over the moon and could not be happier. My pregnancy was good I enjoyed it, and because I am diabetic we got to see our baby a lot more often, we found out that we were expecting a boy!
My partner already has two boys, but there are no boys in my family so they were over the moon!! The weeks went by and we were counting down, we went for another routine scan when I was 35 weeks, we had an awful experience with the lady doing the scan she was rude and not caring at all and then we were told our little boy who we had longed for had been taken from us as his heart had stopped beating!

The most awful moment in my life by far, at 25 years old its a lot to get your head around!

Then to have to go through labour and give birth naturally was heart breaking, but in a strange kind of way it helped me to bond with Harvey. Our baby boy was born sleeping on 21st April 2011 at 7.10am weighing 7lb 4oz and he was beautiful. I will never forget the moment I held Harvey and kissed his little button nose, he looks just like me with rosey chubby cheeks!!
The days after just rolled into one, we had his funeral a couple of weeks later and it was perfect for our perfect baby boy!

We released 100 blue & white balloons on the day and had our amazing friends and family with us to support us!

The days and weeks have passed and don't seem to be getting any easier, I miss Harvey more than words can describe I have been through every emotion imaginable, but I know that if I sit at home crying all day it isn't going to change anything, so I have tried to keep positive and I have had two charity events to raise money for *sands*(stillbirth and neonatal death society), I had a charity race night and raised £1436 and I did a 5k run and raised nearly £1500 from that too. It's nice to know that I can use my bad experience to try to help others in the same situation to make things a tiny bit better!!
Our baby boy has a beautiful grave stone which reads "An angel in the book of life wrote down our Harvey's birth and whispered as he closed the book, too beautiful for this earth".
We visit him as much as we can and my partner's boys go and see him too, they always say good night to Harvey and say that he is the brightest star in the sky, it brings me to tears all the time!
We have had an awful time on top of this, we have had to make a formal complaint to to the nhs for various things but the main thing is that we have been declined for counselling by three different people :-( it makes me sick!! I know things will get easier but at the minute my world is still not great but we are very lucky that we have the most amazing family and friends to help us and support us! I also have the most amazing boyfriend who I love from the bottom of my heart and I wouldn't be getting through this without him xx

Editor's Comment

It must have been a terrible shock to be told at a scan that you had lost your precious baby. I feel very sad for you and it sounds as though you are grieving for Harvey and all the hopes and dreams you had for your life with him.
I am glad you have such a lovely family and support from your friends
Many of the Careconfidential centres offer counselling for baby loss and I would encourage you to contact a centre near you to see if they can offer you this You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for baby loss support in your area.
This story was sent in on 01/09/2011

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