It was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage
By anonymous on 03/09/2011I split up from my partner and then found out I was pregnant. He decided abortion was the only option, something I personally don't believe in, so we talked and decided to keep it. Then he didn't turn up for the first 6 week scan (I previously had an Ectopic so got checked early),and it was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage which I was mortified about but took a second opinion at a different hospital.
I went for a scan there and they found a faint heartbeat to my utter shock.A week and another scan later baby growing as it should but still faint heartbeat even though I was bleeding.
Over the next few days I suffered lots of very harsh period pains and was booked for an earlier scan to find out there was no heartbeat.
Due to previously grieving for my child that I thought had died but hadn't, I opted for the natural method of miscarriage, but the thought of my baby lying dead in me is horrible and I would like it to be over sooner.
Only thing is.. the previous mistake is making me think maybe it isn't dead, maybe they just couldn't see the heartbeat. I don't feel that empty feeling I felt when they first told me and now people are acting like it's all over I should just get on with it. To me it isn't all over, I still have a slight bump and pregnancy symptoms and don't feel any different to a week ago.
Am I in denial or should I opt for the tablet/surgery to hurry this up. I feel like if I do this I will not be giving it a fighting chance but also feel like I can't live with a dead baby in me just waiting for it to 'pass' as they call it.
My chances of having a child were limited anyway because of having a tube removed through the ectopic so do I just wait and hope for a miracle - again or go with the tablet. I don't want to upset my family more by talking to them as they were really excited and I feel like I am letting them down - again. The baby - or not baby - Dad doesn't give a t*ss and I am stuck. Maybe I was just never meant to be a mum.