It was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage

I split up from my partner and then found out I was pregnant. He decided abortion was the only option, something I personally don't believe in, so we talked and decided to keep it. Then he didn't turn up for the first 6 week scan (I previously had an Ectopic so got checked early),and it was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage which I was mortified about but took a second opinion at a different hospital.

I went for a scan there and they found a faint heartbeat to my utter shock.

A week and another scan later baby growing as it should but still faint heartbeat even though I was bleeding.
Over the next few days I suffered lots of very harsh period pains and was booked for an earlier scan to find out there was no heartbeat.
Due to previously grieving for my child that I thought had died but hadn't, I opted for the natural method of miscarriage, but the thought of my baby lying dead in me is horrible and I would like it to be over sooner.
Only thing is.. the previous mistake is making me think maybe it isn't dead, maybe they just couldn't see the heartbeat. I don't feel that empty feeling I felt when they first told me and now people are acting like it's all over I should just get on with it. To me it isn't all over, I still have a slight bump and pregnancy symptoms and don't feel any different to a week ago.
Am I in denial or should I opt for the tablet/surgery to hurry this up. I feel like if I do this I will not be giving it a fighting chance but also feel like I can't live with a dead baby in me just waiting for it to 'pass' as they call it.
My chances of having a child were limited anyway because of having a tube removed through the ectopic so do I just wait and hope for a miracle - again or go with the tablet. I don't want to upset my family more by talking to them as they were really excited and I feel like I am letting them down - again. The baby - or not baby - Dad doesn't give a t*ss and I am stuck. Maybe I was just never meant to be a mum.

Editor's Comment

It is difficult to have confidence in the scans when you have been given different results from 2 hospitals. I can understand why you are questioning this recent scan result. Pain and bleeding do usually indicate the onset of a miscarriage but to be absolutely sure your GP could send 2 blood samples, 2-3 days apart, and this would show if your pregnancy hormones were falling indicating miscarriage, or rising indicating the pregnancy is still viable. Maybe you need this confirmation before you finally decide to have the medication or surgery.
This story was sent in on 03/09/2011

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