A baby loss at 21 weeks and 5 days

By anonymous on 02/11/2011
Hi I'm 28 years old and completely lost.
The day before yesterday my partner and I were booked in for our 20 week scan a truly amazing time. It is our first pregnancy and we have been together 8 years we are extremely close.
We arrived at the scan area at dinner time Monday with hope and excitement, we left at tea time with nothing only worries and fear.
My partner is healthy and apart from type 1 diabetic under near perfect control has been permanently worried until this day. We got into the scan room and the operator started scanning my partner she didn't immediately alarm us as she was taking measurements of our baby but then she asked if our previous scan had shown much black around the baby, and we replied that we couldn't remember. She then told us that there was very little amniotic fluid surrounding our baby, it's heart was on the large side, its legs were a little short and she could not see any kidneys or bladder. She told us that it could be due to leakage but we both knew that it wasn't. She then asked us to go to a waiting room to wait to be seen by a consultant. A midwife came in with a drink and for a chat. We then sat for nearly 2 hours waiting, it was like waiting to be hung we knew nothing.
The consultant saw us at nearly 5pm for another scan which confirmed our baby with a strong heart, perfect brain and skeletal structure but no kidneys or bladder, and there was no fluid. This ment the lungs in our baby would not have developed. Our choices were to terminate, or have an MRI to confirm the diagnosis, which he told us would then take us over the 22 week cut off for termination without a procedure to stop the baby's heart.
The last option was to carry on and wait until nature took its course. It's now two days after our scan and we are waiting to go to the labour ward to deliver our baby at 21 weeks 5 days old. I don't know what to say, or do, and my partner does not want to hold, see or have anything to do with our baby because she can't deal with the pain. I don't know what to do.

Editor's Comment

This is a very painful and distressing time for you and your partner, and very sad to get to this stage of the pregnancy before this condition was diagnosed. It must have been very hard to be offered the different options, and have to take that awful final decision. I think you can only be there for your partner and support her through the ordeal. You both sound traumatised by your experience, and the hospital may offer you support and counselling, but Care confidential would be glad to stand with you and if we can support you please contact us. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for baby loss support in your area.

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