I know my baby is ok in heaven.

I found out I was pregnant in December, it was unexpected but I had a son already and I figured a sibling would be something good for my son.
My boyfriend and I were heading to my first prenatal appointment, at the stop lights we were hit from behind by a stupid guy on his phone. I was 4-5 weeks at the time, I went to the clinic but they refused to see me due to my insurence running out.
Fast forward a couple weeks I started bleeding a lot no clots but I had bad cramping and lots of blood enough to soak through my underwear, I went to the e.r and they told me my baby was fine and healthy and I shouldn't have to worry about it, I was 10 weeks.
My bleeding didn't stop but my cramping had subsided to mostly to one side. A week later I started bleeding a lot again it soaked through everything, I went to the e.r again expecting horrible news but my baby was fine and healthy once again and he even waved at us (I didn't know the sex yet). The dr did find a subchorionic haemorrhage close to my cervix but the dr said not to worry about it even though he said it usually increases miscarriage. I was put on pelvic rest.
Fast forward a few weeks, the bleeding had stopped the cramping subsided and everything seemed fine. I finally went to my first prenatal visit thanks to my insurance being approved they took forever, my dr was so nice and hyper she made me feel so comfortable, we listened to my baby's heartbeat and it was healthy and wonderful I was getting so excited I started telling friends and family the good news.
A week later I had a test result where my levels were extremely high, I had to do a special ultrasound that Friday. At first I was worried but after doing some research online I found out this test gets a lot of false positives and I shouldn't be worried.
So come Friday I had the ultrasound I was happy until the ultrasound tech told me the worst news ever.....my baby's heartbeat had stopped. Later that day I was induced for labor and I delivered my baby at 18 weeks and 5 days on 3/14/14 at 11:40 pm. It was a boy. I took lots of pictures and I cried lots of tears.
The only good thing that came out of my whole ordeal was being able to hold my baby and see him get baptized and spend last moments with him.
I truly love him and I wish this had never happened but I know things happens for a reason. I'm just glad my baby didn't suffer or anything, he was safe in my womb when he passed I know I'll get my angel back in my next baby, I'm still trying to recover from this, there are days where I'm happy and ok but then I feel guilty because I feel like I'm forgetting my baby, and I want his memory to always live on. I'm not sure how or when I'll be back to old self again but at least I know my baby is ok in heaven

Editor's Comment

Thank you for sharing your very sad story. It is very tragic at any time but to have been nearly 19 weeks must have felt a terrible loss. I am sure you will feel a lot of grief over the next few weeks and hope you have help and support to come through this.
This story was sent in on 24/03/2014 and it's been viewed 130 times.

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