My husband wanted us to have a baby
By anonymous on 24/05/2011My husband and I had been going through difficulties for some time, however as he was new to the country and had been through quite a traumatic experience in the country he came from I put down much of his difficult behaviour to his adjustment in the country.
He also had a child that was unable to come into the country with him and was now going to be cared for by his mother, whom they both have a bitter relationship and all of this was difficult for him.
I have tried to be patient, giving him time to adjust and getting used to how this country works. He found it difficult to find work and was very depressed at not being able to have the same lifestyle that he had in the country he came from, where things were much easier for him.
My husband wanted us to have a babyAt first I was dubious because of the problems we had, but then I agreed.
Looking back now I think I hoped this pregnancy would help to resolve some of the problems,to make him happier and bring us closer together so I agreed to get pregnant. I'm now 2 months pregnant and his behaviour over the last 2 months has been awful. He is argumentative with me, creating rows over the smallest things. He is rude to me in front of my mother and then bad mouths her to me saying that she is telling him what to do or interfering when this is absolutely not the case.
He is irrational, we are unable to hold a conversation without it escalating into a full blown row. He is selfish and not even the pregnancy has made him consider mine or the baby's well being, because he stresses me out to the point where I am almost insane.
I carry the weight of everything and he just takes me for granted not considering how all of this stress is affecting me and the baby. I feel so guilty now, because this pregnancy was planned, but in some ways being pregnant has just lifted the blinds to my eyes to see him for who he really is.
I am now considering an abortion and have even booked the date.This would have been my first baby and I'm 32 so at an age where I should be getting on with having kids, but I'm terrified of bringing a child into such a turbulent situation.
Of course he is promising me that he will change now that he knows I am serious about terminating the pregnancy and the marriage; telling me that he was stupid and that he wants us to make a family. But I have given him chance after chance, he makes promises and then breaks them, he has never changed before and now he expects me to believe him. I want this baby, but not if I have to do it on my own, because I do not feel psychologically strong enough, and the thought of being tied into this draining situation forever with a child is terrifying.
I know I probably shouldn't have got pregnant, but to be honest we had been through so much I couldn't see the woods for the trees. I want to believe he can change and we can be a family, but now I just think the best thing for my unborn child is to just terminate this pregnancy before I bring a child into the middle of this and am then trapped in a cycle of emotional abuse forever. Confused!?!
Editor's CommentIt is very sad that this planned pregnancy could end in abortion. I can understand your fears of being trapped in an abusive relationship, and pregnancy adds to your feeling of vulnerability.
I wonder if your husband is suffering from depression and this is what is making him so difficult to live with. It would be good to get some outside help before you make a final decision. I would suggest a visit to the GP first as they can assess depression professionally. It would also be good for you to get some crisis pregnancy counselling. You can call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, log on to Online advisor, or follow the link to find a centre for crisis pregnancy support in your area.