I am 20 weeks pregnant and decided to have a late termination
I found out I was pregnant again at 5 weeks and 1 day. My boyfriend and I had only been together at the time for 5 months. He was nervous and excited and so was I. I was so happy to have another baby I thought.
Now that time goes on I realize that I can barely handle my 2 year old. As well as by myself I could not handle 2 kids if he left or something happened to him. I am barely a good enough mother to my first son, I still have so much growing up to do and things I need to do to make his and my life really good even though it isn't horrible now.
My boyfriend wants to keep the baby and is 100% against abortion.I can't seem to make him understand. Sadly I just realised I am not ready to be a mother of 2 children and I am now around 20 weeks pregnant and decided to have a late termination. I am not sure if I will be able to handle it, because I can feel the baby kick and move and having already gone through pregnancy I know how far the development could possibly be of the baby.
But honestly I am more scared of bringing a child into this world that I won't be able to take care of and having my other child suffer as well for me not being able to handle them both. I don't want to be crippled by having another child so young.
I feel with just my son I have a chance to become something and give him a great life, and future children when I decide I would like to have more. I want to wait until I am ready as a mother and as financial provider and as a person.
Editor's CommentYou sound as though you are having a crisis of confidence about yourself as an adult, a mother, and a partner. Reading your story it sounds as though you are trying to convince yourself about all the things that need to be put in place before you have a second child. The fact is that life is not like this! You cannot make everything perfect before you decide on more children, nor can you live your life worrying that you could be left on your own if something happened to your partner.
I would encourage you to think very carefully about this decision because your earlier reactions were happiness and excitement but now you are panicking about not being able to cope. If you would like to talk and explore your decision through with someone independent please call the national helpline 0300 4000 999, or look at the website for a counsellor in your area.
This story was sent in on 14/06/2011