I was unexpectedly pregnant at 47 years old, even after endometrial ablation

I don't know where to start with this but I suppose at the beginning helps.

I am 47 years old and discovered on the 10th April that I was pregnant.

I went to my GP with a viral rash which I contracted on Good Friday. She asked if I had any joint pain, when I responded no but my breasts were very tender and I had been feeling nauseous for days, she asked about the possiblity of being pregnant.

I dismissed this as I knew I couldn't be. She did the test just in case and we were both laughing as we felt it couldn't be. When she checked it spoke loud and clear, I was five weeks gone. Needless to say I was shocked and started to cry. The shock and fear was enormous.

In August 2012 I had an endometrial abalation done for heavy menstrual bleeding. I had been bleeding every day previous to that for up to 18 months. I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and endometrial abalation was the best option. This treatment was done as we did not want any more children.

I have a 17 and 14 year old already. After my 14 year old we had already decided not to have any more children because of a horrendous pregnancy in which both my son and I were lucky to survive. I had pre eclampsia and under active thyroid problems. There was problems with the placenta at four months.

Needless to say my son was pre term, small for dates and had to be in the neo natal unit. I had high blood pressure and I was at risk of stroke after the birth.

I had an emergency section after being hospitalised early. Our Gynie said there would be a 50/50 chance of this reoccuring again. My husband said that my son and I were lucky to survive this birth and we counted our blessings and decided no more. We originally thought of having 4 kids.

With endometrial abalation I did not think that a pregnancy was viable as I had no lining of the womb

I went to my Gynie two days after discovering I was pregnant to establish the viability of the pregnancy.

As it was too early no egg sac could be seen but there was a womb sac. The lining had grown back. This again was a shock.

The Gynie spoke of all the risks of this pregnancy , such as under active thyroid, endometrial ablation, adenomyosis, being 47 years, abnormalities, pre eclampsia re occuring because of my history and my age.

She said it would not go to term. We spoke about termination at our request, which could only be done in the UK not in the country I live. This would mean a trip to the UK. The trauma of this was horrendous.

She told me to return at 7 weeks to check for foetal heart beat.

This scan took place last Thursday, at which another shock was due. The scan showed that I was or had been expecting twins.

The pregnancy had started as twins, but one womb sac was not empty and the second womb sac was showing a developing egg sac but no foetal heart beat was detected.

I was asked to come back in a week to check again for a foetal heart beat on the second twin and if none there I would be scheduled for an immediate D and C. This scan takes place tomorrow.

I have had so much information to process in such a short space of time even though it seems like two years since this started it is only three weeks in total.

I am confused, sad, guilty, so many emotions I don't know what to do with them

No one knows except my husband and I as we don't think it is fair to tell our kids.

My eldest is sitting her final year exams in June, so I could not load this on her. My youngest wouldn't know what to do with this information.

I feel guilty because I did not want to go through with the pregnancy because of my history and age. I was terrified. But a huge part of me feels sad.

The best outcome for me is that nature has taken its course, because termination would have been horrendous.

Trying to live with it afterwards. I feel guilty because I don't think I have the right to be sad. If there is no heart beat tomorrow if means miscarriage but why am I feeling this way. It is the best outcome.

Any thoughts. Please don't judge I don't think I could take it. I am wearing a mask everyday at work and with my kids. I am hanging in by my fingernails.

This story was sent in on 01/05/2012

Editor's comment

You are always going to feel sad at your loss because however much your head tells you that it was an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy, your heart will respond to that potential life within you.

You may be feeling that you don't have the right to grieve but this is a normal healthy reaction to a loss whatever your thoughts about the pregnancy.

I think something inside also reacts to the ending of your fertility and knowing that you are coming up to menopause.

Whatever happens with your scan, I hope that you will come to a place of peace about this event, but please do contact a centre if you need to talk to someone.

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