I was unexpectedly pregnant at 47 years old, even after endometrial ablation

I don't know where to start with this but I suppose at the beginning helps. I am 47 years old and discovered on the 10th April that I was pregnant.

I went to my GP with a viral rash which I contracted on Good Friday. She asked if I had any joint pain and when I responded no but my breasts were very tender and I had been feeling nauseous for days, she asked about the possibility of being pregnant.

I dismissed this as I knew I couldn't be. She did the test just in case and we were both laughing as we felt it couldn't be. When she checked it spoke loud and clear, I was five weeks gone. Needless to say, I was shocked and started to cry. The shock and fear were enormous.

In August 2012 I had an endometrial ablation done for heavy menstrual bleeding. I had been bleeding every day previous to that for up to 18 months. I was diagnosed with adenomyosis and endometrial ablation was the best option. This treatment was done as we did not want any more children.

I have a 17 and 14-year-old already. After my 14-year-old we had already decided not to have any more children because of a horrendous pregnancy in which both my son and I were lucky to survive. I had pre-eclampsia and underactive thyroid problems. There were problems with the placenta at four months.

Needless to say, my son was preterm, small for dates and had to be in the neonatal unit. I had high blood pressure and I was at risk of stroke after birth.

I had an emergency section after being hospitalised early. Our Gynie said there would be a 50/50 chance of this occurring again. My husband said that my son and I were lucky to survive this birth and we counted our blessings and decided no more. We originally thought of having 4 kids.

With endometrial ablation, I did not think that pregnancy was viable as I had no lining of the womb

I went to my Gynie two days after discovering I was pregnant to establish the viability of the pregnancy.

As it was too early no egg sac could be seen but there was a womb sac. The lining had grown back. This again was a shock.

The Gynie spoke of all the risks of this pregnancy, such as underactive thyroid, endometrial ablation, adenomyosis, being 47 years, abnormalities, pre-eclampsia reoccurring because of my history and my age.

She said it would not go to term. We spoke about termination at our request, which could only be done in the UK, not in the country I live in. This would mean a trip to the UK. The trauma of this was horrendous.

She told me to return at 7 weeks to check for a foetal heartbeat.

This scan took place last Thursday, at which another shock was due. The scan showed that I was or had been expecting twins.

The pregnancy had started as twins, but one womb sac was not empty and the second womb sac was showing a developing egg sac but no foetal heartbeat was detected.

I was asked to come back in a week to check again for a foetal heartbeat on the second twin and if none there I would be scheduled for an immediate D and C. This scan takes place tomorrow.

I have had so much information to process in such a short space of time even though it seems like two years since this started it is only three weeks in total.

I am confused, sad, guilty, so many emotions I don't know what to do with them

No one knows except my husband and me as we don't think it is fair to tell our kids.

My eldest is sitting her final year exams in June, so I could not load this on her. My youngest wouldn't know what to do with this information.

I feel guilty because I did not want to go through with the pregnancy because of my history and age. I was terrified. But a huge part of me feels sad.

The best outcome for me is that nature has taken its course because termination would have been horrendous.

Trying to live with it afterwards. I feel guilty because I don't think I have the right to be sad. If there is no heartbeat tomorrow if means miscarriage but why am I feeling this way. It is the best outcome.

Any thoughts. Please don't judge I don't think I could take it. I am wearing a mask every day at work and with my kids. I am hanging on by my fingernails.